Passages for the Modern Accomplished Lady

2010-03-29T22:59:00.000-07:00

Nurture: the act or process of promoting the development of a child.

Have you ever heard that a mother’s role is to nurture her children? I will admit that I have heard that several times, and have always thought, “I don’t even really know what that means.” The definition above states that nurturing is the act or process of promoting the development of a child. The question is, “how do you promote development?” That is a tough question to answer, but here is another definition I saw under nurture.

Nurture: to nourish; feed

This definition struck me. MY JOB, AS A MOTHER, IS TO FEED MY CHILDREN PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY. Some of you may be thinking, “Well, DUH!!!” BUT, I heard a wonderful quote by CS Lewis that said, “Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.” I believe you can never look at something from too many angles.

Feeding Physically

This is pretty self-explanatory. We must give our children food. However, a good thing to think about is what relationship with food we are teaching our children. Are we teaching them to eat everything in sight? Or, are we teaching them to be afraid of food because it leads us to gain weight? Perhaps we don’t talk about it, but what are we telling them by our eating habits and, or, body language?

I heard a shocking statistic the other day that this generation of children is the first generation that is expected not to live a life as long as their parents due to eating and exercise habits. We need to teach them how to develop good habits. We must not only feed them, but also teach them how to feed themselves so they can carry on good choices independently.

Feeding Emotionally

What kinds of things are we telling our children daily? Do we demonstrate encouragement, love, and praise, or criticism, anger, and pain? Please understand that not all behavior should be encouraged-children learn right from wrong because we help them to see the difference, but do we tell them enough when they are doing well? When you have a baby you tell them “good job” for everything: finishing their dinner plate, putting a toy away, trying to play the piano, learning to climb a stair. Then, as they get older, we tend to limit the amount of times we tell them they do well. It is true that to grow we need the dirt sometimes, but if all a flower had was soil and no water or sunshine, the flower would eventually die. Though our children may not die, are we giving enough sunshine?

Feeding Spiritually

The Savior of the World commanded His apostles to feed His sheep. I find it interesting that we have that same call. Feeding spiritually is active; it takes action. I also have to come to the conclusion that if it is our job to feed our children spiritually, then the Lord will give us the power to do it. Please understand that it is not a power in the priesthood sense, but it is a power that comes from our faith in the Savior. Our faith gives us the ability to lean on the Lord and get the guidance needed to feed His sheep. Here is a hard question: do our children need physical food more than they need spiritual food? The Savior went 40 days without food when He fasted. We would never let our children go a day without physically eating, but do we let them go a day without spiritual nutrition? Thought provoking isn’t it?

I have to admit that this got me excited. It gave me a stronger sense of purpose knowing that I had these responsibilities. AND, even though there are women all over the world who have the same responsibilities, I am the only one that has them for MY children, and they are the only ones that have them for theirs, and that makes our mission unique.

Ladies, let us nurture our children in EVERY sense of the word. Let us look for ways we can build them up, and teach them about the Lord so that they can grow into the human beings they are meant to be. Let us make our contributions one nurturing way at a time.

Yours truly,

5 tips on Nuturing:

1. Sit your children down and talk to them about food. Teach them about the food pyramid and why it is important monitor what goes into our bodies.

2. Look for more times to tell your child they are doing well throughout the day. Encourage them when you can, and see what it does to their countenance.

3. Make a check-list for things to do during the day, and add “spiritually feed children” to the list. Look for a small way to teach them something about Christ.

4. Get out and exercise as a family. Talk with children about the importance of exercise.

5. Look for ways that faith in the Savior brings power into your day as a mother. Write down those inspirations.

2010-03-22T20:33:00.000-07:00

Commitment: The state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action or to another person or persons.

Have you ever noticed that in today’s world “commitment” is loosely used? It seems that some people would say they commit in life, while others are not afraid to come right out and say that they have a fear of commitment. I often wonder which is worse: pretending to commit, when in reality, only committing to convenience, or having the fear of committing, therefore, never experiencing what commitment feels like. I believe that neither is a good option for any person.

Accomplished ladies in the early days kept their commitments. They felt a moral obligation to family, society, and to God, to honor their commitments. Back then, a person who gave their word needed to give no other assurance then that. Nowadays, we have to pinky promise, hope to die, and stick a needle in our eye before our word is sufficiently accepted. Why is that I wonder? When did our words become less then sufficient? Perhaps it was when people began to not honor their word as much as they gave it. Why did we do that?

The definition above states that commitment is the state of being bound. What is bound?

Bound: Being under legal or moral obligation; A boundary; a limit

Committing is the state of being bound, setting a limit for oneself around our moral obligations. Interesting, that there are two things here that we are beginning to see a pattern in with many of the issues we have discussed throughout our passages. SOCIETY’S COMMITMENT HAS BEGUN TO FAIL BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF LIMITATIONS, AND, OR, MODERATION, AND THE LACK OF MORALITY.

I wonder if most of you thought this passage would mostly be about marriage, and the rising rate of divorce. Though that is a HUGE problem in society, and a huge part of commitment, the root of that problem is the lack of morality.

Morality: The quality of being in accord with standards of right or good conduct.

Usually, in cases of divorce, one or both parties are not in accord with standards of right or good conduct, whether it is selfishness, unfaithfulness, abuse, etc. Please understand, that sometimes in those circumstances divorce may be necessary. No one can judge a couple and their circumstances. All I am pointing out is that these things could have been prevented if the person, or persons, at fault had practiced good morality. AGAIN, let me say, I DO BELIEVE PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES AND CAN CHANGE THOSE MISTAKES. I know many instances where a good, moral person made an error, and the two people worked through that error and have very strong successful marriages. This passage is merely to point out, and make us aware, of the issue. In fact, most of us do not ALWAYS act in accordance with right or good behavior. Therefore, all of us are sometimes moral, and sometimes immoral. That is why we MUST be aware of the problem.

My mother-in-law, who is a wonderful woman, always says this phrase, which I have adopted, “When you serve at your convenience, you serve yourself. When you serve at your inconvenience, you serve the Lord.” Marriage, motherhood, and life are not ALWAYS convenient. However, it is in THOSE moments, the ones where you want to scream and pull your hair out, that our true character is being tested. The Lord knows that it is hard. The test is to choose to serve in spite of how hard it is, to learn how to control ourselves, and NOT scream and pull our hair out even though the carnal reaction is to do so. If being married, or being a mother, a daughter, a sister, or a friend were easy all the time, would you ever REALLY be able to measure the success of your commitment? It’s easy to commit to easy things, but it is hard to commit to LIFE-LONG things.

When I was a little girl, when I wanted to participate in something for the summer, or the school year, I had to commit to it. In our family, we were not allowed to quit something until the season was over. We were taught that if we gave our word to be part of that team, or to the teacher that we would be there until summer, then we had to fulfill that commitment. Looking back, I can see so clearly what wonderful things that taught me. I REALLY knew what I liked and did not like, because I had to stick with it until the season was over, even if I hated it. Sometimes I learned, that though it was hard, I liked the things I thought I wanted to quit, and other times I realized that I REALLY didn’t like it. I also learned what was worth my time, and what wasn’t. Commitment was not something we took lightly in our family.

That fact is why there are some who have the fear of committing. They don’t want to take it lightly. How do I know I can do it, or how do I know the person I commit to can do it forever? I have a favorite scene in the Disney movie Finding Nemo, it’s the scene where Dori and Marlin are inside of the Whale.

Dori: He said it’s time to let go. Everything’s going to be alright.

Marlin: How do you know? How do you know something bad isn’t gonna happen.

Dori: I don’t.

We can’t predict anyone’s future, but there are lessons to be learned that can only be learned through experience. We have to trust in people and talk with them openly about what commitment means. I know my husband and I have talked extensively about how when in an argument we DON’T bring up the word divorce. We don’t even joke around about it. We also talk about what cheating is, and how we are going to avoid even being in those circumstances. by setting limitations on how we interact with people of the opposite sex. That way we are openly making the commitment to each other on every level. Each time we talk, our trust in each other grows. Of course, our marriage is not perfect, and we work on it everyday. Some days are better than others, but every day we try to work on our commitment because it is worth it. To those with a fear, know that even if it doesn’t go as you plan, it is worth the journey. YOU are worth the journey. Or in other words, the person you will become through the journey is worth every risk.

To those who are in a marriage and thinking, “What if I am no longer bound emotionally to that person? Is it worth staying in a loveless marriage?” Though I cannot have the answers to that question, think about this: Is a deep emotion toward someone felt all the time? I love my little boy more than words can say, but that undying love is not felt at the forefront of my emotions all the time. So what is keeping us from feeling the obligation to that person? The world tells us that we shouldn’t stay with anyone just out of obligation. I agree--what a sad way to live--but wasn’t the obligation our choice, and isn’t joy our choice too? Can’t we find that we LOVE our obligations? I don’t have a personal answer for everyone, but thought provoking isn’t it? We have the ability and power to change only ourselves, and if we are at odds with someone we can change our feelings for that person. I admit, it probably won’t happen over night, or possibly over a month, but if we try to point out the positive, pretty soon we will only see the positive.

Ladies, let us return to morality, and keep our commitments. Let us set limits and boundaries to keep us in accordance with good conduct. We can work on letting OUR words be the only assurance people need because we do what we say. We can try to stick with things for the long haul. Perhaps circumstances may cause that to be impossible, but we can try. It’s time to allow the meaning of commitment to be heard and seen. It’s time to serve in spite of convenience. We can make our life long contributions one commitment at a time.

Yours truly,

5 tips on Commitment

1. Have a sit down talk with a spouse, a friend, etc about commitment. Define together what that means, and how you will keep commitments to each other. Perhaps write up what you had talked about.

2. If lack of commitment is tied to lack of morality, analyze areas in which we are allowing immoral things to be apart of our lives. Try to cut something out that is not needed in your own life so that morality is stronger in your home.

3. Talk to your children and ask them what they think commitment means. Try to clarify areas that may be cloudy for them.

4. Think about your life, and figure out what you are most committed to. It usually is something you NEVER miss. Figure out if that is what you would want to be remembered as being the most committed to, if not change it.

5. Figure out the boundaries your family needs to set in order to keep commitments. Talk about it as a family, and have everyone put in their ideas as well.

2010-03-15T22:53:00.000-07:00

Femininity: The quality or condition of being feminine.

Quality: Essential character; nature.

Character: Moral or ethical strength.

This passage is one that I am extremely excited about because, after studying this topic for a while, I uncovered something that was very interesting to me. I hope it is interesting to you as well.

The definition above states that femininity is the quality or condition of being feminine. Upon reading that, I knew that that definition alone would not be enough for me to truly understand the word. So, I then found out what quality meant, since femininity is the quality of being feminine. When I looked up quality and read the definition, I realized something important. If the definition of quality is our essential character, then the root of women being feminine and men being masculine is our CHARACTER. Interestingly, character is defined as moral or ethical strength. Therefore, this is the interesting discovery I found, FEMININITY IS DIRECTLY LINKED TO MORAL AND ETHICAL STRENGTH.

Please understand, I am not saying that someone who is a tomboy doesn’t have moral or ethical strength. In fact, there are probably some that have MORE than some girls that love dresses and accessories. But does being a tomboy mean you are not feminine? Tomboy’s definition is: “a girl who likes rough games and activities.” I am pretty sure there are feminine tomboys out there. I like rough outdoor activities so I would count myself as a feminine tomboy. If femininity is moral and ethical, than it is more than just what we like and, or, dislike.

Look at this picture:

Now this one:

Isn’t there such a difference in the way women are portrayed then and now? I am not saying that we all need to go out and buy 50’s dresses. In fact, fashion is a whole other subject we will cover another time. I am saying, that femininity comes from within, and even in these two pictures you can see the difference between the two. Perhaps femininity is disappearing because morals and ethics are disappearing.

When I think of the word femininity, I think of how a woman carries herself. Usually dignity and grace are other words that come to mind. I will be honest in saying that usually I feel, as a stay at home mom, that I don’t worry about femininity too much. I will also be honest in saying; I would love to feel feminine MORE. There are some women today that I look at and think, “WOW! Now that is one classy lady. She carries herself so poised, and is very feminine. I want to be like that.” Here is one example:

But then when I try to become that, I feel weird because I am not from that generation, and I don’t feel walking around in a business suit is very practical for a stay at home mom. To be brutally honest, neither is the 50s dress, or rarely is ANY dress practical for a mom on the go. I always feel like I am at this point in my life where I don’t fit anywhere. I don’t fit in with the Julie Andrews crowd, and I don’t fit in with the hip and trendy crowd. But, after doing this research I have realized that femininity is from within. It’s true I can’t, nor do I WANT to, wear a business suit like Julie Andrews all day, BUT I can carry myself like her by building my personal character.

We have talked in SEVERAL passages about putting away our selfish desires. As we do that, we build our moral and ethical strength. Our TRUE FEMNINE CHARACTER shines through. “Our true feminine character”, meaning the one that God gave us.

Look at this picture:

This mom is in jeans and a shirt, and yet look how feminine she is! I love this one too:

Loving rough outdoor activities can still be feminine too! Femininity is about what our character is made up of. A man who is in his TRUE moral character is just naturally different, than a female who is in her TRUE moral character. This is because the root of femininity and masculinity is our souls. So here is the hard question: Do we FEEL feminine, and if not, what is going on INSIDE of us that is keeping us from our divine femininity? I don’t have an answer because everyone is different, but thought provoking isn’t it? Think about it, how can we present ourselves with grace and dignity when what we CHOOSE to watch, listen to, say, or even THINK is not full of grace and dignity?

Ladies, we can bring femininity back. We can carry ourselves with grace and dignity as we strive to strengthen our moral and ethical strength. As we do so we will be becoming who God intends us to be. We will feel a literal change in ourselves, a feminine change, because as we come closer to Christ, we become closer to who He WANTS us to be. Remember that this change is going to have to be looked at moment-by-moment, choice-by-choice. Let us find the courage inside to increase our femininity so we can better the world around us. We can make our contributions one feminine way at a time.

Yours truly,

5 Tips on Femininity

1. Think about someone you feel has femininity that you want to emulate. List the things that you feel make them that way. Come up with small goals that will help you bring those things into your life.

2. At the end of the day, pick out the moments when you felt the most feminine. Think about why you felt that way, and how you can feel that way more. These may be when your hair is done, getting dressed etc. Try to find times that don’t have to do with your outside appearance as well.

3. At the end of the day, pick out the moments when you felt the least feminine. Think about why you felt that way, and how you can avoid feeling that way more.

4. Think of one moral or ethical thing you would like to better in your life. Come up with a plan as to how you will accomplish this.

5. Ask a spouse, or a male friend what he thinks of when he hears the word feminine. Think about how you fit in what he is saying, and what areas you can improve to come across more feminine.

2010-03-08T15:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers:

This blog is a continual experiment for me, and I am learning a lot. After looking over which parts of the blog have been the most popular, I have decided to make the following changes:

On Mondays, I will post the passage for the week, adding the tips to the bottom of the passage.

The last Friday of the month, I will do a spotlight for the whole month.

Making these small changes will allow me to effectively fulfill my responsibilities as wife and mother, and keep the blog moving forward. Thank you for your continued support, and comments.

Yours truly,

2010-03-08T15:32:00.000-08:00

Education: The knowledge or skill obtained or developed by a learning process

Learning: The act, process, or experience of gaining knowledge or skill

One privilege that modern times has given to us as women, is the ability to pursue and gain an education. Back in days of the traditional accomplished lady, education was not an option. They did not go to school beyond grade school, and if they did, they did not pursue careers beyond teaching in education in there communities. However, the thing that inspires me about these traditional ladies is the fact that this did not stop them from engaging in life long education. Though they did not have a certificate proving the level of their knowledge, many of them were highly educated.

The definition above states that education is, “the knowledge or skill obtained or developed by a learning process.” Interesting that it did not say anything about a school. Please understand that I think school is necessary, and indeed, it is desirable to obtain the highest schooling you can. In fact I, myself, went to college. What I am merely pointing out is that the root of education is learning. And by the definition above, learning cannot only be done by the act of attending school itself, but it is also done by a process, and by experience.

I know that there are many women out there who have put, and are putting aside their educational goals to be mothers. I also know that there are many women who achieved their educational goals, and have made the choice to use their knowledge as mothers. All over the world there are bright, brilliant minds raising a new generation, and imparting wisdom, both life, and academic. These modern accomplished women, whether with certificates of graduation or not, are doing the best they can to engage in a cause they believe in. They deserve a round of applause and yet no one is there to give it to them, and at times they wonder what it is all for. I would venture to guess that if you are reading this, you are one of these women. Here is the challenge for us all: TO ENGAGE OURSELVES IN LIFE LONG LEARNING.

Many of you may be thinking, “That is impossible, I am a mom and don’t have time to go back to school.” Some of you may say, “I already have a PHD, so what else is there?” Remember though, that I chose the word LEARNING, not EDUCATION. We need to engage ourselves in the act, process, and experience of learning.

Again, let me say that I in NO WAY want to diminish the necessity of formal education, I am a firm believer in it, and know first hand the blessings that come from it. However, this idea of life long learning has the potential to empower us with ability to keep our minds and lives engaged and full of purpose.

THE ACT OF LEARNING

It is true that time is limited as a mother. Children need a lot of time and attention to feel love and to learn how to behave. School may be on hold, not an option, or, for some that have gone on to achieve higher education, school may be a thing of the past. However, each of us has the opportunity to engage in the ACT of learning. We can take action and LEARN.

My father is one of the most brilliant men I know. He knows everything about everything, and can do almost anything. He not only earns a living as a computer engineer, but he can fix cars, wood work, garden, take apart and rebuild a computer, fix anything around the house, is very knowledgeable about the bible and Christ’s gospel, and SOOOO MUCH MORE! Now many of you may think I am biased, but he is actually GENUINELY GOOD at ALL of these things. Of course, my father did not have the time to go to school in each of these subjects, but he studied each of them through reading. He has A LOT of books, and reads about everything. Although, it is important to point out that he doesn’t just read. He studies and practices until he KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS.

Growing up with that example, I have always known that if I wanted to learn how to do something, all I had to do was pick up a book and not just read it, but study it and understand it. Ladies, we all have that opportunity. We can learn how to do ANYTHING! Just because school may be out of the question right now, doesn’t mean learning is out of the question. What we offer up and store in our brain is up to us. In fact, there are many things that I learned in school, that I don’t remember because sadly, I wasn’t engaged. When we are engaged and truly study something until we KNOW it, it BELONGS to us. No one can take away, or belittle the things that we KNOW.

THE PROCESS OF LEARNING

This section is not about HOW we learn; that is not the angle of the process that I want to shed light on today.

Process: A series of actions, changes, or functions bringing about a result.

To really engage in the PROCESS of learning, we have to realize that it is not ONE event, but a SERIES of events. I think we get that confused because in the end, all our experiences do add up to bring about ONE RESULT. So, true learning does not EVER stop. Life itself IS the PROCESS. All we learn, all we do, and all we know will add up to define our lives, which will ultimately bring about a result. We must engage ourselves in the process and not check out during the years that we are mothers just because we are not “in school”. In reality, school isn’t really the big picture. That is not to say it is not needed; IT IS ESSENTIAL! That is why we must continue to be engaged in the act of learning. But, in conjunction with our formal education, we have the SCHOOL OF LIFE! The time we have here to prepare to meet God is our process.

We don’t have to feel like we are giving things up, because all we do and are is the process of life. One minute you’re a prom queen, or a scholar, etc, which prepares you to be a wife, a mother, and a grandmother. All of these experiences are a part of the process to bring about becoming who God wants us to be. Remember a couple of weeks ago we talked about making life all one thing? This is a key to that, realize that life is a process, and the process is the point of life. I think we want life to be made up of destinations. For example, we will be happier when we are done with school, when we have a house, when we have a baby, etc. BUT if we live for the future, we are checked out of the present. Life is not a series of destinations leading to the BIG destination. Life is learning or, “a series of actions, changes, or functions bringing about a result.” Life is choices, and sacrifices, bringing about an eternal result.

THE EXPERIENCE OF LEARNING

We have talked about learning through books, and about how learning is a process. We are also learning by experience. We need to engage in every EXPERIENCE so that we can learn from it. There are SO many lessons that can only be learned by experience. For example, we only learn how to walk by actually getting up and trying. We can’t walk just by reading a book, we actually have to experience it. We only learn how to come back from tragedy by experiencing tragedy and moving forward. These types of lessons, however, are only learned when people are looking for them. We only see the application of experience when we are engaged in it. So here is a question: Are we engaged in the experience of motherhood, or is it just the daily grind that we have to survive? Of course, we are not going to be perfectly engaged every moment of every day, but that is how we learn what it means to be engaged vs. disengaged. Motherhood is a process. But can we do better? Can we realize that this period in our lives is part of our education, and can we study it until we KNOW the value of it? Can we gain not only an appreciation, but also KNOWLEDGE of what motherhood is about? I think we DO know the answer to this one; thought provoking isn’t it?

Sisters, let us engage in a life of learning. We can have every opportunity to learn and know as much as anyone else. Motherhood only limits our learning potential if we let it. Think of how much more we could pass on to our posterity and our communities if we would allow ourselves to reach our learning potential. Thought provoking isn’t it? Motherhood is as full, enriching, and educational as we want it to be. We don’t have to wait until we have a PHD to be educated, and we shouldn’t let having a PHD be an excuse to check out of life. We are in a life long school with endless possibilities for teaching and learning. Let us make our educated contributions one simple lesson at a time.

Yours truly,

Tips on Life Long Learning

1. Pick something you want to learn, and learn by reading about it. Study it, and try it until you know it.

2. Think about the word process. Have a discussion with someone about what it means that life is a process.

3. Write down the things you have learned by experience. Notice what blessings have come through these lessons.

4. Write down the things you are learning now in life. Whether it be through study, process, or experience. Notice the simple accomplishment that comes from learning, and how those are things that will never leave you.

2010-03-03T20:31:00.000-08:00

5 Tips on Improved Language

1. Try improving the art of language through censoring. Look for areas in which you can censor your words, and, or your thoughts.

2. For one week, pick a new word out of the dictionary, and look for ways to use it in conversation. Develop a whole list of words and their definitions that can become a resource for you.

3. One can develop good language skills through reading. Pick a classic novel that you have always wanted to read, and commit to reading it.

4. Women in the olden days were often told that if they could not think of anything nice to say, to restrict their comments to the weather. Try to increase the amount of kind words you offer, and decrease the amount of unkind words. Even in hard conversations, try to find kind ways to say hard things.

5. Part of good language skills is the ability to be understood. Another part is the ability not to be misunderstood. Take time to think about what effects your words might have on others, and make sure that the perception coming forth from those words is the one you want. Find ways to word things more clearly not just for your sake, but for the listeners sake as well.

Yours truly,

2010-03-01T17:54:00.000-08:00

Language: Communication of thoughts and feelings; a particular manner of expression.

One of my favorite things about Pride and Prejudice and other stories of that kind, is the language used within them. Even an insult back in those days was said with grace and propriety. Please understand that good language doesn’t make an insult right, but it is interesting how much in that era women, and men for that matter, censored their words. Today, the art of language is becoming lost. Not only has censorship gone out the window, but the breadth and depth of vocabulary that was used in earlier times, has greatly been diminished as well.

Censorship

What comes to your mind when you hear censor? Most of us would probably say that it means to ban or to limit. Though that is part of it, there is also another way to look at it. Censorship is all about choice. Choosing between words, not just limiting words. The world has told us that censoring is wrong, and that it limits our freedom. We also hear that censoring is just trying to ignore things that really do exist; or trying to live in a bubble.

My little boy LOVES M&M minis- they are the perfect size for him, they are brightly colored, they are chocolate, and they taste GOOD. Whenever I put a little handful in front of him he eats all the colored ones and leaves the brown ones. Does that mean he is trying to ignore the fact that the brown ones exist? No, he just chooses not to eat them. Like my son and M&Ms, when we choose to censor things, we are not ignoring that those things exist; we are choosing to not allow them into our lives. Last week, we pointed out that just because something isn’t recognized, doesn’t mean it is not there. Censorship is not about limiting freedom; it is about the individual’s choice to have their definition of freedom. That is why the analogy of living in a bubble is funny to me. A bubble is clear, those inside can see everything around them, but they choose what to let in and out of that bubble. It would be more affective to say people live in a box. In a box, they can’t see what’s around them at all, only what is in front of them. In my opinion, EVERYONE lives in a bubble. We choose what we want in our lives, and what we DON'T want in our lives. Even people who choose not to be religious, are CHOOSING not to allow religion into their bubble. Please understand, that there is nothing wrong with that. Although, for some reason we are tricked into thinking that living in a bubble is a negative thing so we fight our whole lives to NOT live in a bubble. Sadly, we are wasting precious time on fighting what is at the very core of ourselves. Our conscience is our bubble. One person’s bubble is not more right than anothers, and one person’s bubble doesn’t give them the right to judge someone else’s bubble, but the point is we ALL have a bubble.

Censorship, in regards to language, is more than external words; it is the internal motive behind the word. It is the idea of mastering the self-motive inside, by choosing the word that should be said. When we carefully censor the things we say to those around us, we have the opportunity to build loving relationships. Please don’t misunderstand; I do NOT believe that means we ignore the hard conversations that need to be had. As human beings we have the responsibility and obligation to be loyal to the things we believe in. This means, that sometimes-hard conversations have to be addressed. Also, as we teach children the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, hard conversations are often a priority. Through the difficult conversations though, we can carefully censor, and choose the RIGHT things that need to be said rather than just what we WANT to say.

Watch this clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R-Zg5es7mg

I love this because though there are moments where they both say exactly what they WANT to say, you can see so clearly the censorship of their words. Even when they do “LOSE IT”, immediately following they ask sincerely for forgiveness. Interesting that censorship was all about saying the appropriate thing to one another. Wanting to be careful with another’s delicate feelings, and treating them with the utmost respect. Even in this argument, I think both of them left having had much to think about, rather than leaving feeling gratified that they got to say EVERYTHING they wanted to say and more. Though it did not go as planned, they were able to make some sort of self-progression due to what was brought up in the conversation. They LEARNED FROM each other, rather then just HURT each other. Most of us would agree that we would want to be treated with that kind of respect, and yet I wonder how many of us TREAT OTHERS with it. I know I do not always treat others with respect, but hopefully taking this time to think about it, I can move closer to changing.

Watch this clip:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJOcKJNGGCE

Now, I LOVE this movie too, but notice the difference in the LANGUAGE. She said exactly what SHE wanted to say, without any censorship. As the conversation ended, was there any room for self-progression? Did they learn from one another, or just hurt each another? Now, please understand, I am not knocking this movie AT ALL, it is a totally different time period. Women then, were just beginning to be allowed to speak their minds, and say what they wanted. This step was needed for the progression of healthy couples. With any new progression, however, mistakes are often made. The question is: are we LEARNING from these societal mistakes, or adding to them? Can we look at both and realize that they are BOTH right with MODERATION? It is a blessing to have the ability to speak our minds, but we also STILL have the ability, to use censorship. The question is no longer CAN we speak our minds, but SHOULD we? I believe that sometimes the answer to that will be a strong YES and sometimes it is a NO. I wonder if this shift into “speaking our minds”, helped lead to the ever popular selfish motive of “ME” first? Women, no longer had to do what they were told. They could say “MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY.” Again, this NEEDED to happen in history, but are we taking it to far? I don’t know, but thought provoking isn’t it?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we used the positives of both mentalities? I believe THAT is what being a modern accomplished lady is all about. Enjoying the blessings of modern living, while clinging to the roots of traditional values. Think of how amazing it would be if we could blend the positives. Speak our minds boldly when needed, and censor our strong voices when it is not needed. I wonder what would happen in our homes if we were to practice censoring our language, and turning our thoughts outward. I wonder if we would learn from each other in hard conversations, and better our situations through dialogue. I know there are times when dialogue makes a situation worse because I have not censored what I have said, and I am sure there have been times I have limited my self-progression because there were no moments where true dialogue was taking place. Interesting, that not censoring limits inward progression, therefore, it limits our freedom.

Breadth and Depth of vocabulary

Watch this clip:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quRejoJ1UEI

Wow! Why don’t we talk like that anymore? The phrases they used had so much meaning, and so much beauty. It’s almost as if they have carefully thought out each word, it’s meaning, and placed each of them into a sentence that would accurately paint the picture they wanted. “Marry me, my wonderful darling friend.” From that simple sentence you take away how much he genuinely cares for her, more than just physically. We get how kind, and considerate he is. Words, back then, were used as a true expression of one’s self, where as today words seem to just be used to fill silence. Doesn’t expression take thought? Please understand, I believe that sometimes it is good to JUST talk, and trust that those around you are giving you the benefit of the doubt. MODERATION.

Watch this clip:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paaWhiRHUXg&NR=1

With the introduction of text messaging, television, and the Internet, it seems as if we have lost the true essence of language. We speak in abbreviations, in clichés, and generals. Conversation is no longer viewed as an art, and society doesn’t worry about trying to learn how to make it as such. I wish we could really understand the English language, and begin to take pride in what we say, and how we say it. I wonder if our views of people would change if we all spoke more civilized? I know language alone can’t change the hearts of people, but perhaps it would help. I tell my husband all the time that I can’t form the words that most accurately describe how I feel. I wonder if we had more sense about the art of language, if we would be better explained and better understood.

The Bible does not have a lot to say about our language but here is something it does say, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearer. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” I love these scriptures. This language is so beautiful, and exactly what we were talking about. It has all the depth of vocabulary language has to offer, and yet, censored to only speak the truth.

It’s interesting to me that in order to truly have the breath and depth of vocabulary, one MUST also have censorship. These two things go hand in hand. The holy Spirit can be present in good, censored conversation, bring peace, joy, and love, and strengthen the relationships with those around us. That is the purpose of communication and expression, to build relationships and communicate love.

Ladies, let us begin to learn the art of language. Let us study vocabulary, in order to have more choices, which will allow us to better censor our communications. Let us practice grace, and elegance in speech instead of hip, and trendy “chats”. Let us choose our words carefully, so that we might not harm even the most delicate feelings of those around us. As we do so, may we teach our families to do the same- that we might have peace, joy, and love in our homes more abundantly. Then our contributions will be a more complete expression of who we are trying to be. May we make our contributions with the most glorious language, one simple word at a time.

Yours truly,

2010-02-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Ladies,

I apologize for no spotlight again this week. I have come down with a TERRIBLE cold. It also is super contagious, so I didn't dare go meet with someone. Thanks for your patience, and there will be one next week for sure!

Yours truly,

2010-02-24T08:45:00.000-08:00

5 tips on selflessness

1. Take something to a neighbor or friend in need spend sometime talking with them and try to help brighten their day. Write down how you feel doing that. Then take an hour and do something for yourself. Write down how you feel doing that. Make sure in both writings that you really analyze how it makes you feel. How do both affect the way you treat those around you, etc. Compare the two entries, and then write down what you have learned through the comparison.

2. Find a time when your child is playing and go sit with them and play, but on their terms. Let them dictate how the playing goes, and what they want to do. Take time to reflect on new things you learned about your child, and the changes in playing that way.

3. Plan a whole evening around the things your husband likes to do. Maybe what he likes to eat, a sports game. Really take part in those things with him, and find the joy that comes to the both of you by doing that.

4. Try to go one whole day without any thoughts turned inwards, just think and do for others. (Go ahead, and take a shower though!) That means to also try and push away any feelings that are selfish, or angry. Try to even see the others point of view and listen to them. At the end of the day when you lay down in bed, write down what you learned.

5. Write down the things you like to do. (hobbies, outlets, etc.) Figure out, how they can become a part of the family, or how doing those things connects to the family. Try to see your life as one big whole, and try to find the ways all these things tie together for your journey.

Yours truly,

2010-02-22T15:18:00.000-08:00

Editors Note: After much thought and discussion, the post below has been edited to more clearly express the views that I was trying to express. Thank you everyone for your love and care.

Identity- The state of having unique identifying characteristics held by no other person or thing. The individual characteristics by which a person or thing is recognized.

Have you ever heard a woman say, “I feel like I am losing my identity,” as a wife, or a mother? I have heard this phrase many times, and admit that there was a time when I was tempted to fall into that same thought process. (Let me be honest, there are STILL times I think that, BUT I am working on it.) In fact there was a moment, with a dear friend of mine, not too long after I became a mom, where he asked me what I was learning about motherhood. I told my friend all the wonderful things about being a mom, and then I told him something along the lines of how I was struggling to not feel like I was losing myself in the process. To which, my friend replied, “I wonder if that is the point: to lose ourselves in the process.” I have NEVER forgotten that, and have pondered on it much over the last year.

Are we meant to lose ourselves in raising our children, or, even lose ourselves in life for that matter, and if so, who are we meant to become then? AND, how is losing ourselves, not a contradiction to last weeks passage about knowing yourself?

Let me clarify right here at the top, that when I say losing ourselves, or our identity, I mean the parts of ourselves that lead to selfishness, entitlement, etc. I in no way think that means we lose who God has created us to be.

I love that the definition above talks about “unique characteristics held by no other person”, name ONE characteristic you can think of that solely belongs to ONE person. It is true that there are no two people with the same COMBINATION of characteristics,that is what makes us all unique, but can you really say that there are unique CHARACTERISTICS? The next sentence is equally interesting as it talks about identity being, “how a person is recognized.” I wonder if that is at the heart of identity-people being recognized. I wonder if deep down, we are all afraid of going unnoticed. So here is a question: Is doing things behind the scenes REALLY that bad?

Most of you will never have the pleasure of meeting my mother, and yet, she is one of the most important, influential people in my life. In fact, she was the first person I thought of when my dear friend brought up the thought provoking idea above. When I think back on my childhood, I can count the number of times on ONE HAND that I ever saw my mother do anything for herself. If you were to ask me what her hobbies were, I would tell you that they were her children. Please understand that I don't mean she lived vicariously through us, she just served us ALL THE TIME. That is not to say she never did anything outside of the home, or for herself. She served her family and neighbors, she taught swimming lessons every summer out of our backyard, every morning she went for walks with her good friend, she was very involved in our school and our church, and so much more. BUT even with all those things, I never would have felt like they were as important as her children, because I always felt, as her daughter, that her children were her priority, her identity. There is a great quote that says, We become what we do. When I talk about us being my mother's identity, I mean to say that. She was ALWAYS doing for us, that is not to say she lost the knowledge of who she was, she just put her desires aside.

We live in a society that would look on this notion as weak, and perhaps, society would say that my mother was not a very headstrong woman. However, I know very few women who have as good, and strong, of a head on their shoulders as my mom. The fact is that she had the STRENGTH to CHOOSE to sacrifice her wishes for her children. I will tell you, that I am a much better person because of that choice.

In the Bible, we read, “Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” That was one of the first scriptures I studied when I pondered on my friend’s suggestion, and there were two things the really struck me. First, the Savior says that if we lose our life we will find it. Perhaps, by sacrificing our identities, our wills, we find the person the Savior wants us to be, and not only that, we will find the parts of ourselves that bring us the most joy. When the Savior stood on the shore and called for the fishermen, He said, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Interesting, that he still uses the things about us that have made up our identites. All the wonderful gifts and talents I had before I was a mother, I get to use AS a mother. That is why it is important to know ourselves, so we CAN GIVE ourselves to the Lord. You can’t sacrifice what you do not have. If we don’t have a full knowledge of our selves, we can’t sacrifice all of ourselves. The next verse in the scripture says, “And they straightway left their nets, and followed him.” This is remarkable to me! These men left their nets: their identity. If a fisherman does not have a net, would anyone recognize him to be a fisherman? However, just because there is not recognition doesn’t mean the talent is not there or that it is not put to use. As a child, we may not know all the talents our mothers have, but that does not mean they aren't there and using them. In fact, perhaps it’s used MORE effectively than it was before. Though catching fish was what these men did, I wonder if they did not find MORE joy in bringing men to the Savior? I love to sing, but there is no stage in the world that could bring me more joy than singing to my little boy and watching his face light up.

Why is that, I wonder? Last week we learned about our chance to inherit from our Father in Heaven. We are God’s children, and He is our Father. I wonder if by becoming parents, we are learning something from God. Perhaps we are preparing for our inheritance, and bridging that gap between here and there. Perhaps marriage and family are, in a sense, HEAVEN ON EARTH, and no joy could be greater than creating heaven on earth.

So why do we need things like “outlets”? If we are taking part in the MOST joyous thing, why do we need time away? We hear all the time that “I need an outlet”, or “time for me”. I know because I hear myself say it at times. Please understand that I believe marriage and motherhood are tough, and everyone needs moments to regroup. I wonder though, if we could do better to find our outlets WITHIN marriage and motherhood. Perhaps life is designed in a way so that we already have those moments. For example, we have 5 minutes to take a shower, time when our spouse is at work, time when children are in school or taking naps. In fact, come to think of it, I think my mother’s outlets were during those times. Why can’t we find the time that we need to regroup in those moments, so we don’t have to feel so entitled all the time? I am speaking to myself more than to anyone else. However, I know that when my son and I go to a play date, it is an outlet for him and me. He gets to play and let out energy, and I get to enjoy conversations with good friends. That doesn’t mean we can’t learn new hobbies, or that we need to feel guilty when we are alone. I love to take pictures, make crafts, cook, etc. BUT, those CAN become selfish if I don’t constantly look for how ALL OF THEM FIT TOGETHER. HOW DOES DOING THESE THINGS BLESS MY FAMILY, AND BECOME A PART OF MY FAMILY, NOT APART FROM MY FAMILY? LIFE IS ONE THING, ONE TEST, MADE UP OF ALL OUR CHOICES. We live in a world that wants us to believe we can compartmentalize everything and be happy, but are we? We feel the tug and pull in so many directions, that we feel like we are failing at all of them. In reality, we can let go of some things so that all the things we hold on to tug and pull in the SAME direction. Again, that doesn’t mean that life can’t be full and fun. Much of the bonding that went on in our family was playing games, watching movies, camping, and vacationing. Those things are important, and we are suposed to experience all the wonderful things we have been blessed with here on earth. But here is the question: Is the outlet for me to get AWAY from my family, OR, is it FOR my family? Is problem is that we sometimes have alone time, a girls night, or whatever, OR is it the feeling that we DESERVE it? Here is another one: Is this so I can have some sort of RECOGNITION, or is this to UNSELFISHLY enrich the lives of those around me? I, in NO WAY have answers for anyone, only my self, but thought provoking isn’t it?

CS Lewis, a Christian philosopher, gave a very interesting quote on this subject. He said,

"There are three kinds of people in the world. The first class is of those who live simply for their own sake and pleasure, regarding Man and Nature as so much raw material to be cut up into whatever shape may serve them. In the second class are those who acknowledge some other claim upon them – the will of God, the categorical imperative, or the good of society – and honestly try to pursue their own interests no further than this claim will allow. They try to surrender to the higher claim as much as it demands, like men paying a tax, but hope, like other taxpayers, that what is left over will be enough for them to live on. Their life is divided, like a soldier's or a schoolboy’s life, into time 'on parade' and 'off parade', 'in school' and 'out of school'. But the third class is of those who can say like St. Paul that for them 'to live is Christ'. These people have got rid of the tiresome business of adjusting the rival claims of Self and God by the simple expedient of rejecting the claims of Self altogether. The old egoistic will has been turned round, reconditioned, and made into a new thing. The will of Christ no longer limits theirs; it is theirs. All their time, in belonging to Him, belongs also to them, for they are His.

And because there are three classes, any merely twofold division of the world into good and bad is disastrous. It overlooks the fact that the members of the second class (to which most of us belong) are always and necessarily unhappy. The tax which moral conscience levies on our desires does not in fact leave us enough to live on. As long as we are in this class we must either feel guilt because we have not paid the tax or penury because we have. The Christian doctrine that there is no 'salvation' by works done according to the moral law is a fact of daily experience. Back or on we must go. But there is no going on simply by our own efforts. If the new Self, the new Will, does not come at His own good pleasure to be born in us, we cannot produce Him synthetically.

The price of Christ is something, in a way, much easier than moral effort – it is to want Him. It is true that the wanting itself would be beyond our power but for one fact. The world is so built that, to help us desert our own satisfactions, they desert us. War and trouble and finally old age take from us one by one all those things that the natural Self hoped for at its setting out. Begging is our only wisdom, and want in the end makes it easier for us to be beggars. Even on those terms the Mercy will receive us."

So the first class live ONLY for themselves, the second class try to live for God, and themselves, and the third ONLY live for God. I wonder if the goal is to obtain that third class and reject the claims of self all together. That is what I mean by losing our identity, rejecting our selfish claims until we become lost in the will of God. This brings me to the second thing that struck me in our scripture, the fact that the Savior tells us to take up our “cross”. Of course, our crosses are not near the cross that Jesus bore, but it is meant to be HARD!!! It’s not easy to get to the point where we can reject our selfish claims. I know I am FAR from getting to that point. However, think of the story of Abraham, where the Lord asks him to sacrifice his only son, Isaac. Since we know from the Bible that the Lord, “is no respecter of persons,” perhaps we too have to sacrifice even as Abraham did. Perhaps it won’t be our child, but it will be hard, and to our very core if we CHOOSE to face it. I wonder if there are some who are standing there looking at their crosses, refusing to take them up and walk the hard road ahead. Sadly, by doing that, we run the risk of NEVER truly finding our selves. We allow ourselves to thirst after the things that the world has defined as identity, instead of picking up our crosses, walking the hard road, and drinking the Savior's living water, which forever quenches thirst.

Also interesting: CS Lewis points out that life is designed so that people lose all worldly things they care about. Old age robs us of beauty, talent, and independence. We all WILL get wrinkles, eventually a dancer won’t be able to touch her toes, and many of us will need help doing simple things like walking. All that will matter is who we have become from our choices.

Ladies, although it may seem like we are giving up everything to those around us, let us take courage in knowing that “that IS the point.” Jesus Christ gave up everything, including His life for us, and we are to become like Him. Let us also look for the ways we are finding our TRUE SELVES, and find joy in the moments we can clearly see heaven on earth. It is only when our wills become invisible, that we will make the greatest contributions. I want to thank my mother for showing me an example of an accomplished lady who makes immeasurable contributions. Her life has blessed mine, my children, and will bless their children for generations to come. She put aside her desires, so that I could find mine, and now, I will put aside mine, so that my children can find theirs. That is what trying to be Christlike is all about. Ladies let us make our contributions in the lives of others, one selfless way at a time.

Yours truly,

2010-02-19T18:31:00.000-08:00

Due to a spontanious Vacation, I will post a spotlight next week.

Sorry, and thanks

Yours truly,

2010-02-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

5 Tips on Knowing Yourself

1. Find a piece of paper and write down 5 of your strengths and 5 things you may want to work on. Then write a plan on how you will try to build on those strengths, and overcome those weaknesses. Check back and find out how you are doing.

2. Have a spouse, a friend, or a family member write down 5 of your strengths and 5 things you may want to work on. Knowing how others perceive you, is a good way of knowing yourself. You can learn what impression you may be giving off that you like, and don't like. Write a plan to help yourself be who you want to be with others.

3. Write down a list describing the attributes in the person you would like to be. Make goals that will help you move in that direction.

4. Have your mother or father tell you five things about you as a child. Knowing who we were in our past is a good reference to understanding ourselves both then and now.

5. Write in a journal the things in your soul. Knowing how you feel in your soul is a HUGE part of getting to know our true selves. Figure out one thing that is keeping you dwelling in the flesh and try to move past it so you can become one with your soul.

Yours truly,

2010-02-16T20:16:00.000-08:00

Knowing- Possessing knowledge, information, or understanding

Yourself- your normal or usual self

Aristotle once said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” So what does it take to know your self? The definition above hints that it is an understanding of our “normal’, or “usual”, self. As I thought on this, I became stumped with what your “normal” or “usual” self denotes. I think in order to understand all that that entails; there are three areas of “self” we must explore:

Knowing the truth about…

Who we were
Who we are now, and
Who we are to become.

1. Who we were.

“Nothing comes from nothing,” is a famous line from a song, in the movie The Sound of Music, which points out something important. If nothing comes from nothing, than we, ourselves, did not come from nothing either. Think about the scientific law that matter cannot be created nor destroyed, only organized. We know that our bodies are organized through the act of intimacy, but what about the substance that makes up the inside of us, who we are? If nothing comes from nothing, then even our personalities come from something. As a mother, I have proof that even my tiny child has his own personality, or things about him, that are not taught, even by me. We must have been somewhere, in some sort of state, before we came here. And if that is true, the questions become where were we, and who were we?

In the Bible, in the book of Jeremiah, we read, “Before I formed thee in the belly, I knew thee…” God knew us before we were born, which tells us that before we were here, we were with God. William Wordsworth, a famous poet and philosopher, wrote this in one of his poems,

“Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home.”

Wordsworth believed not only that we were with God, but that when we were born, we forgot these things. He is also one, among many, who believes that the substance, which makes up who we are, is our soul. All these things lead us to the understanding, found in Genesis, that we were, and are, children of God.

Why do we need to know this? What does it help us understand about our selves? Think about a newborn baby. They are so pure when they are born, which gives some important insight. We come here to earth without sin. We are innately good people that are here to have an experience.

Also, tradition tells us that all children receive some sort of inheritance from their parents. Similarly, we have an inheritance from God that we have the chance to claim. The Bible, in the book of Romans, says, “The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are children of God. And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs of Christ…” We are heirs to things that God has for us. Understanding that we are God’s children helps us see our potential.

2. Who we are now

The definition above advises us to know our “normal” or “usual” selves. Part of knowing our normal selves is knowing ourselves both spiritually and in the flesh. Upon coming here to earth from our home in heaven, our souls took on a body of flesh. Thus, began the battle between spirit, and the flesh. Again in Romans we read, “For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” We are here with the opportunity to prove ourselves worthy of God’s inheritance. However, like Wordsworth says, we have forgotten whom we truly are, and are now tempted after the manner of the flesh. As we choose to forsake the flesh and allow it to become one with our Souls, with our true selves, we have the chance to become heirs to God.

One may wonder as I have, why we need to go through this process, why are we trying to BECOME who we truly ARE in the first place? I had that question, and after much reflection, study, and discussion I was led to one possible answer. We were good, because that was just who we were, and not because we CHOSE to be that way. We had to have the opportunity to CHOOSE to be good. If we were to have no choice or reason, we would be like animals merely acting on instinct and survival. God will force no man to heaven.

In order to become one with our soul and choose to be good, perhaps we need to take the time to know WHAT it is that we need to forsake. We have to know our weaknesses, and temptations, so that we can take the steps necessary to overcome them. We live in a world that wants us to hide our sins, even from our selves. We hear things like, “that is just who you are,” or “accept yourself for who you are.” I wonder if we have a tendency to blindly look away from things that are in need of change, because “THAT IS JUST WHO I AM.” I wonder if we underestimate the value of this process, and miss out on the wonderful progression of change by ignoring our sins. I also wonder if we blindly pass on our own personal weaknesses to our children because we have not taken the time to examine ourselves in depth enough to see them? I don’t know the answer to that, but thought provoking isn’t it? Please understand, that I am not suggesting that we have to tell everyone around us the things we are doing wrong, our sins are private matters. However, we need to not ignore them; by doing that, we risk never becoming who we really are.

I need to also add that along with knowing our weaknesses, we have to know what is GOOD in our souls too, build upon those strengths, and gain more strength. We have learned, since childhood that choosing to do bad things is a sin, but so is NOT choosing to do good things when we know we should. “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good and doeth it not, to him it is sin,” we learn from the Bible, in the book of James. We are not meant to rid ourselves of sin, and then do nothing. Think about the traditional accomplished lady, she tried to continue to build upon her good attributes as she read, served, and explored all her potential. So we must build upon our attributes and DO good, so that we can learn from those experiences.

When we know where we were, and why we are here, we can clearly make choices with knowledge and purpose. We can then choose to allow our spirit to run our lives instead of the flesh. We can look at our weaknesses, and, with help from Jesus Christ, overcome them one step at a time. We can discover the strengths within our selves, and use them to build those around us. We can move toward our potential one step at a time.

3. Who we are to become

Jesus Christ commands us to, “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in Heaven is perfect.” We are meant to become as our Father in Heaven. However, we are incapable of doing it alone, and He knew that. That is why Jesus Christ suffered for the sins of the world, to make it possible to become as He is.

Though knowing who we were, who we are now, and who we are to become is only the start of knowing ourselves, it is a good one. I believe accomplished ladies know who they are, and continue to develop themselves. We live in a world today that wants to confuse us on this subject. People are placed into categories and defined by stereotypes that confuse the divine identity to which all men belong. “You are fat,” “You are an alcoholic,” “You are funny,” “You are rich,” “You are gay,” the world says. Though we may struggle with food, or alcohol, and may be able to tell a really good joke, is that WHO WE ARE? Though we may become our choices, is that really at the heart of the soul inside of us? We know what the Bible says, and yet it is true that there are lots of circumstances to consider. Only God can judge man, but thought provoking isn’t it?

Brigham Young, a Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said this, “No being can thoroughly know himself, without understanding more or less of the things of God; neither can a being learn and understand the things of God, without knowing himself; he must know himself, or he never can know God.” Ladies, NOW is the time to begin to know ourselves. As we do, we can know our children better, and know God better. We can perhaps foresee potential problems we may run into, or potential ways we can lift someone as we know our weaknesses and our strengths. We must realize that we are children of God, who once lived with Him, and who are here to CHOOSE our inheritance.

There is an old Hindu legend that tells us that all men were Gods. But unfortunately, they very badly misused their Divinity. That's why Brahma, the Upper-God, decided to terminate their Divinity and to hide it in a place not to be found. The problem was to choose a suitable place. When the Half-Gods gathered to solve this problem, they proposed: 'Let us bury the Divinity of man in the Earth ' But Brahma answered: 'No, this won't be sufficient because mankind will dig deep and discover this Divinity anew'. The Half-Gods than found another place. 'Let's sink the Divinity into the deepest ocean on Earth'. But Brahma also held back on this idea and responded: 'No, because sooner or later, mankind will dive into the deepest places in all the oceans and will certainly find the Divinity'. The Half-Gods didn't have any further clue how to solve this problem. They exclaimed: 'There's nowhere on Earth a place this Divinity can be successfully hidden, as man will climb the mountains, dig into the ground and dive deep in the oceans. There is no place where humankind's curiosity will not search'. And Brahma answered: 'This is what we'll do: we will hide it in the deepest part of man himself, because this is the only place where man will never look'. Since then, humankind has criss-crossed the Earth, dived, dug and explored every inch, searching for something that can only be found deep in himself.

Remember the definition above which said that knowing ourselves, was understanding our normal and usual selves. May we look inside ourselves and find the divine within, so that we can make our contribution, and earn our inheritance one simple way at a time.

Yours truly,

2010-02-15T16:06:00.000-08:00

Due to today's holiday, I will post the passage tomorrow.

Until then,

2010-02-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

Meet Amanda

Amanda is most assuredly an accomplished lady, who realizes that patience is a virtue that can keep a lady focused, and keep life worth living. Amanda is a 30-year-old single woman. Though 30 is still very young, for someone who has longed for marriage and motherhood since the time she was a little girl, 30 years can sometimes seem like an eternity. But it’s not only that. Much more uncommonly, Amanda continues to hold strong to, and practice, abstinence because of her religious beliefs.

When I asked her how she stays motivated to live her life this way, despite the fact that it has not gone the way she had planned, she replied, “Because of my religion, I truly believe that God rewards those who are obedient; I don’t want to sell myself short. I know that my reward will be that much greater as I continue to be obedient to Him.” As we sat together, and she shared this with me, her eyes began to well up with tears; tears in honor of her struggle, and tears in honor of her feelings for God. I tear up just thinking about it, and feel so honored that she would share these feelings with us.

“Someone has said that patience is not giving up, but a quiet acceptance. I think it’s also a quiet, continual hope,” Amanda said. She has not given up on her dreams for a husband, and children. In fact, she continues to prepare herself for those things. That is something that really impresses me about Amanda. She is “technically”, still at a point in her life where she COULD be “living it up”, and making it “all about her”. Yet, she has done the exact opposite. “It’s hard to find ways that you are needed when you’re single. As a mother you look at your children, and though they may be driving you crazy that day, you are NEEDED.” Despite the difficulty, Amanda still spends her time finding the ways in which she is needed. She serves her family, her friends, her community, and is currently using her master’s degree, by giving back to the university where she received her bachelor’s degree. Amanda courageously chooses to make her simple contribution to OTHERS, instead of herself. When I asked her why she was here, doing what she’s doing, instead of out living the exciting single life MTV has so wildly portrayed, she said, “My greatest happiness will come from other things. I believe the best is yet to come, and how sad would I be if I threw it all away, only to have everything I have been waiting for come into my life tomorrow?” I had never thought of that. What a wonderful perspective. The choices we make today directly affect the outcomes of tomorrow. I wonder if everyone thought that way, if there would be fewer things like divorce in the world? How sad it would be, if we were to throw every relationship away, when perhaps the best is yet to come. Perhaps the very thing a marriage is struggling with today, would be gone tomorrow. Please understand, that I do believe that there are founded reasons that some marriages end in divorce. I am not in ANY position to judge anyone. I just think this is an interesting perspective, and one I plan to think on for years to come.

“Patience doesn’t work all the time; I have to remember to keep the faith,” Amanda said. She explained to me the struggle it is from time to time; that dating guys today is much different than dating guys as a younger woman. She told me about some Biblical scriptures from the Book of James chapter one which read, “Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work…” “As we understand our ability to be patient, it changes us, it softens us,” Amanda told me in the most confident, yet soft tone, proving to me that she had experienced this softening first hand. “We all have our battles. We don’t get out of life free,” she told me. That is true--we won’t leave this life free from an experience: an experience made up of our choices, our battles, God’s tests, and Satan’s temptations. But we MUST keep patience and hope through all of it. Seeing that Amanda keeps her hope, is not very hard. She carries herself with dignity and smiles often. She is usually seen reaching out to others, and would NEVER come across to anyone as being anything but a person FULL of hope.

To those that are in a similar situation as Amanda, she says, “It’s so easy to get pessimistic. Satan’s greatest tool is to try and destroy our hope. Try to find one thing a day that is joyful. It’s easy to find someone that is in need and can put our pain into perspective. Forget yourself and go to work serving others.”

To those Moms out there that struggle with feeling as though they have given up everything to be “JUST a mom”, remember this, “I wish for that EVERY SINGLE DAY,” says Amanda. “It’s true I don’t know the feeling of regret, the way a mother might feel regret, but a mother won’t know the feeling of loneliness, in the way that I know loneliness.” Amanda paused, thinking, and then said, “It may be a long time, just like me finding a husband,” she chuckled, “But there will come a day when your children will look at you and call you blessed. THAT’S worth patience.”

The patience this accomplished lady demonstrates, as she awaits her companion, is extremely noble. Though she has the excuse not to, she already gives of her time, talents, and love to others, preparing for the day that she will give them to her love. The definition of Patience was:

Patient-
1. Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; Not hasty or impulsive.
2. Persevering; constant.
3. Tolerant; understanding.

Perhaps to that we ought to add:

4. Amanda

Yours truly,

2010-02-10T10:12:00.000-08:00

5 Tips on Patience

1. This one was in the passages, but I think it is a good one. Find one thing that you could get angry about, but don't. Choose to think about it, and find away to get the lesson across without anger.

2. During a hard time, try to do some research and pondering on the word "hope". Decide that, though it may not work out when and how you want it to, God knows you, and what you need.

3. When shopping, decide not to buy impulsively. Pick one thing you do not need right away, and wait to get it. Who knows, you may decide later that you don't need it.

4. Write down a few goals, and try to have the patience to persevere and see them through. Write down the things you learned about patience, and how it affected your life.

5. Write down all the things you are doing now, and see if you are trying to run faster than you have strength. Realize that there are times and seasons, and try to gain the patience needed to set something aside for a time.

Yours truly,

2010-02-08T12:03:00.000-08:00

Patient-

1. Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; Not hasty or impulsive.

2. Persevering; constant.

3. Tolerant; understanding.

When I think about traditional times--you know, the times we’ve talked about before--I think that they must have known what it meant to be patient. Think about Pride and Prejudice. In that time, they walked most places they went. That alone exhibits more patience than we have! Basically, their day was dedicated to that one thing that they were walking towards. Now, we try to find as many things as we can possibly cram into 24 hours, and still complain that there are not more hours in a day. Where has patience gone in our day? I wonder if the only time we see patience is when circumstance forces us to, and even then, do we truly embody patience, or do we just wish the whole time that we could see the outcome RIGHT NOW?! I love that the definition above gives us so many angles to look at patience from. Let’s look at each definition together.

Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; Not hasty or impulsive

I was thinking just the other day about how many times we see the word NOW in advertising. TV, billboards, magazines, and newspaper ads are all showing us the things we need right NOW. Many of us can clearly look at most of those things, and quickly reassure ourselves that we don’t NEED them, especially not right now. However, I wonder if we realize the subconscious effect it has on us. The pressure we feel to try and obtain things NOW. We want the car, the house, the trip, the outfit, the Ipod, the Blackberry, RIGHT NOW! I am sure there are many who don’t act upon the temptation, but the question is why do we allow the temptation to be there in the first place? That is what has been so wonderful about writing these passages. As I write about all of these subtle temptations we are facing in our modern society, I can uncover them, clearly look at them, and then realize that the person in control is myself. I love the idea that patience is being capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result. If we can look at what’s important, discuss what is in moderation, and then patiently await the time and the season that is right for the thing or idea we desire, we can sift through all the pressures society is creating. We can realize that we are in control of our lives and our choices, and we can be different. Sure, we can have it all, but not all at once.

The second half of the definition hints that there may be an even DEEPER level to patience. Perhaps the question is not CAN I have it all, but SHOULD I have it all. With hard work, dedication, and time, it is possible to obtain everything. BUT, as we have gone through and talked about returning to the accomplished lady, identifying importance, and using moderation, we can see that we must decide what we SHOULD put our time into so we can simplify our lives. Maybe that is the reason for the second half of the definition. Patience is not hastily choosing, but calmly stepping back and making an educated decision--taking the time to study and ponder so that we can act according to what we SHOULD do, not what we CAN do. This also has another angle to it. We as women, tend to not just HAVE it all, but to DO it all. “…Let us run with patience the race that is set before us,” the Bible says. Sometimes we have to say “No”, even to good things, so we don’t run faster than we have strength.

2. Persevering, constant.

This is the part of the definition that most of us see in our lives. Circumstances where hardship or trial is around allow us the opportunity to persevere. Sometimes, when the trial is long, we are FORCED to persevere. I wonder if we can really call that patience? Is patience just enduring, or is it more than that? Perhaps patience has something to do with the ATTITUDE in which we endure. The definition above also says constant, which means, “steadfast in purpose, loyalty, or affection; FAITHFUL.” I find it interesting that the word faithful is used. In the Bible, faith is commonly grouped with hope and charity. If the attitude, in which a person endures is despair and anger, though the endurance may be long, are we patient? Or, is the person who endures in the attitude of hope and love patient? Now, let me clarify by saying that those who endure with hope and love probably don’t LOVE the thing they are enduring. Enduring denotes some sort of hardship, or obstacle. Hope and love are not always fun, but they are full of trust and confidence. A patient person trusts in God’s ability to deliver them, but has the willingness to allow the deliverance to be on God’s time. That does not mean that we can’t ask “why” or “is there another way”. Jesus Christ, the only perfect man to walk the earth, asked that, but then followed it with, “Not my will, but Thine be done.”

I tend to struggle with persevering. I want to know the answers, or experience the deliverance right away, but I believe that change is possible.

3. Tolerant; Understanding

In the Bible we read, “He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding,” “… Be patient toward all men.” Patience also has a level of love to it as well. Choosing to not hastily jump to anger, but slowly try to understand, is a challenge of a lifetime. As wives and mothers, we face this challenge several times a day. We have children and spouses that sometimes act differently than we would hope, but we are they ONLY ones responsible for how we respond. We can act with love and understanding. Even if we try to find one thing that we could get angry about, but just let go, we might learn something about patience. Please understand, that I am FAR from being perfect at this. In fact, I hope that by writing this, I might be motivated to be better. I do think, however, that by living in a world that is telling us that you have to do what makes you happy, no one can tell you what to do, etc, we run the risk of blindly living that way and treating others accordingly. We try so hard to straddle the line between contemporary thinking and traditional beliefs, and try to get them to coexist, but do they? Can we profess to BELIEVE in traditional values, but LIVE a contemporary life style? Are we happy trying to do both? I don’t know the answer to that, but thought provoking isn’t it?

Ladies, I wonder if the reason we are meant to be wives and mothers, the reason some of us are still dealing with the yearnings to be wives and mothers is all for us to learn and cultivate patience. We can look at the worlds temptations of being first, having it now, and being right, squarely in the face and say, “PATIENCE!” We can continue to feel comfort in the fact that there are accomplished women out there in the modern world daring to be different. We can patiently make our contribution one simple way at a time.

Yours truly,