Nurture: the act or process of promoting the development of a child.

Have you ever heard that a mother’s role is to nurture her children?  I will admit that I have heard that several times, and have always thought, “I don’t even really know what that means.”  The definition above states that nurturing is the act or process of promoting the development of a child.  The question is, “how do you promote development?”  That is a tough question to answer, but here is another definition I saw under nurture.

Nurture: to nourish; feed

This definition struck me.  MY JOB, AS A MOTHER, IS TO FEED MY CHILDREN PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY.  Some of you may be thinking, “Well, DUH!!!”  BUT, I heard a wonderful quote by CS Lewis that said, “Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.”  I believe you can never look at something from too many angles. 

Feeding Physically

This is pretty self-explanatory.  We must give our children food.  However, a good thing to think about is what relationship with food we are teaching our children.  Are we teaching them to eat everything in sight?  Or, are we teaching them to be afraid of food because it leads us to gain weight?  Perhaps we don’t talk about it, but what are we telling them by our eating habits and, or, body language?

I heard a shocking statistic the other day that this generation of children is the first generation that is expected not to live a life as long as their parents due to eating and exercise habits.  We need to teach them how to develop good habits.  We must not only feed them, but also teach them how to feed themselves so they can carry on good choices independently. 

Feeding Emotionally

What kinds of things are we telling our children daily?  Do we demonstrate encouragement, love, and praise, or criticism, anger, and pain?  Please understand that not all behavior should be encouraged-children learn right from wrong because we help them to see the difference, but do we tell them enough when they are doing well?  When you have a baby you tell them “good job” for everything: finishing their dinner plate, putting a toy away, trying to play the piano, learning to climb a stair. Then, as they get older, we tend to limit the amount of times we tell them they do well.  It is true that to grow we need the dirt sometimes, but if all a flower had was soil and no water or sunshine, the flower would eventually die.  Though our children may not die, are we giving enough sunshine?

Feeding Spiritually

The Savior of the World commanded His apostles to feed His sheep.  I find it interesting that we have that same call.  Feeding spiritually is active; it takes action.  I also have to come to the conclusion that if it is our job to feed our children spiritually, then the Lord will give us the power to do it.  Please understand that it is not a power in the priesthood sense, but it is a power that comes from our faith in the Savior.  Our faith gives us the ability to lean on the Lord and get the guidance needed to feed His sheep.  Here is a hard question: do our children need physical food more than they need spiritual food?  The Savior went 40 days without food when He fasted.  We would never let our children go a day without physically eating, but do we let them go a day without spiritual nutrition?  Thought provoking isn’t it? 

I have to admit that this got me excited.  It gave me a stronger sense of purpose knowing that I had these responsibilities.  AND, even though there are women all over the world who have the same responsibilities, I am the only one that has them for MY children, and they are the only ones that have them for theirs, and that makes our mission unique. 

Ladies, let us nurture our children in EVERY sense of the word.  Let us look for ways we can build them up, and teach them about the Lord so that they can grow into the human beings they are meant to be.  Let us make our contributions one nurturing way at a time.

Yours truly,

5 tips on Nuturing:

1.    Sit your children down and talk to them about food.  Teach them about the food pyramid and why it is important monitor what goes into our bodies.

2.    Look for more times to tell your child they are doing well throughout the day. Encourage them when you can, and see what it does to their countenance.

3.    Make a check-list for things to do during the day, and add “spiritually feed children” to the list.  Look for a small way to teach them something about Christ.

4.    Get out and exercise as a family.  Talk with children about the importance of exercise.

5.    Look for ways that faith in the Savior brings power into your day as a mother.  Write down those inspirations.

Commitment: The state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action or to another person or persons.

Have you ever noticed that in today’s world “commitment” is loosely used?  It seems that some people would say they commit in life, while others are not afraid to come right out and say that they have a fear of commitment.  I often wonder which is worse: pretending to commit, when in reality, only committing to convenience, or having the fear of committing, therefore, never experiencing what commitment feels like.  I believe that neither is a good option for any person.

Accomplished ladies in the early days kept their commitments.  They felt a moral obligation to family, society, and to God, to honor their commitments.  Back then, a person who gave their word needed to give no other assurance then that.  Nowadays, we have to pinky promise, hope to die, and stick a needle in our eye before our word is sufficiently accepted.  Why is that I wonder?  When did our words become less then sufficient?  Perhaps it was when people began to not honor their word as much as they gave it.  Why did we do that? 

The definition above states that commitment is the state of being bound.  What is bound?

Bound: Being under legal or moral obligation; A boundary; a limit

Committing is the state of being bound, setting a limit for oneself around our moral obligations.  Interesting, that there are two things here that we are beginning to see a pattern in with many of the issues we have discussed throughout our passages. SOCIETY’S COMMITMENT HAS BEGUN TO FAIL BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF LIMITATIONS, AND, OR, MODERATION, AND THE LACK OF MORALITY. 

I wonder if most of you thought this passage would mostly be about marriage, and the rising rate of divorce.  Though that is a HUGE problem in society, and a huge part of commitment, the root of that problem is the lack of morality. 

Morality: The quality of being in accord with standards of right or good conduct.

Usually, in cases of divorce, one or both parties are not in accord with standards of right or good conduct, whether it is selfishness, unfaithfulness, abuse, etc.  Please understand, that sometimes in those circumstances divorce may be necessary.  No one can judge a couple and their circumstances.  All I am pointing out is that these things could have been prevented if the person, or persons, at fault had practiced good morality.  AGAIN, let me say, I DO BELIEVE PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES AND CAN CHANGE THOSE MISTAKES.  I know many instances where a good, moral person made an error, and the two people worked through that error and have very strong successful marriages.  This passage is merely to point out, and make us aware, of the issue.  In fact, most of us do not ALWAYS act in accordance with right or good behavior.  Therefore, all of us are sometimes moral, and sometimes immoral.  That is why we MUST be aware of the problem.

My mother-in-law, who is a wonderful woman, always says this phrase, which I have adopted, “When you serve at your convenience, you serve yourself.  When you serve at your inconvenience, you serve the Lord.”  Marriage, motherhood, and life are not ALWAYS convenient.  However, it is in THOSE moments, the ones where you want to scream and pull your hair out, that our true character is being tested.  The Lord knows that it is hard.  The test is to choose to serve in spite of how hard it is, to learn how to control ourselves, and NOT scream and pull our hair out even though the carnal reaction is to do so.   If being married, or being a mother, a daughter, a sister, or a friend were easy all the time, would you ever REALLY be able to measure the success of your commitment?  It’s easy to commit to easy things, but it is hard to commit to LIFE-LONG things.

When I was a little girl, when I wanted to participate in something for the summer, or the school year, I had to commit to it.  In our family, we were not allowed to quit something until the season was over.  We were taught that if we gave our word to be part of that team, or to the teacher that we would be there until summer, then we had to fulfill that commitment.  Looking back, I can see so clearly what wonderful things that taught me.  I REALLY knew what I liked and did not like, because I had to stick with it until the season was over, even if I hated it.  Sometimes I learned, that though it was hard, I liked the things I thought I wanted to quit, and other times I realized that I REALLY didn’t like it.  I also learned what was worth my time, and what wasn’t.  Commitment was not something we took lightly in our family.

That fact is why there are some who have the fear of committing.  They don’t want to take it lightly. How do I know I can do it, or how do I know the person I commit to can do it forever?  I have a favorite scene in the Disney movie Finding Nemo, it’s the scene where Dori and Marlin are inside of the Whale. 

Dori: He said it’s time to let go. Everything’s going to be alright.

Marlin: How do you know?  How do you know something bad isn’t gonna happen.

Dori: I don’t.

We can’t predict anyone’s future, but there are lessons to be learned that can only be learned through experience.  We have to trust in people and talk with them openly about what commitment means.  I know my husband and I have talked extensively about how when in an argument we DON’T bring up the word divorce.  We don’t even joke around about it.  We also talk about what cheating is, and how we are going to avoid even being in those circumstances. by  setting limitations on how we interact with people of the opposite sex.  That way we are openly making the commitment to each other on every level.  Each time we talk, our trust in each other grows.  Of course, our marriage is not perfect, and we work on it everyday.  Some days are better than others, but every day we try to work on our commitment because it is worth it.  To those with a fear, know that even if it doesn’t go as you plan, it is worth the journey.  YOU are worth the journey.  Or in other words, the person you will become through the journey is worth every risk.

To those who are in a marriage and thinking, “What if I am no longer bound emotionally to that person?  Is it worth staying in a loveless marriage?”  Though I cannot have the answers to that question,  think about this: Is a deep emotion toward someone felt all the time?  I love my little boy more than words can say, but that undying love is not felt at the forefront of my emotions all the time.  So what is keeping us from feeling the obligation to that person?  The world tells us that we shouldn’t stay with anyone just out of obligation.  I agree--what a sad way to live--but wasn’t the obligation our choice, and isn’t joy our choice too?  Can’t we find that we LOVE our obligations?  I don’t have a personal answer for everyone, but thought provoking isn’t it? We have the ability and power to change only ourselves, and if we are at odds with someone we can change our feelings for that person.  I admit, it probably won’t happen over night, or possibly over a month, but if we try to point out the positive, pretty soon we will only see the positive. 

Ladies, let us return to morality, and keep our commitments.  Let us set limits and boundaries to keep us in accordance with good conduct.  We can work on letting OUR words be the only assurance people need because we do what we say.  We can try to stick with things for the long haul.  Perhaps circumstances may cause that to be impossible, but we can try.  It’s time to allow the meaning of commitment to be heard and seen.  It’s time to serve in spite of convenience.   We can make our life long contributions one commitment at a time.

Yours truly,

5 tips on Commitment

1.  Have a sit down talk with a spouse, a friend, etc about commitment.  Define together what that means, and how you will keep commitments to each other.  Perhaps write up what you had talked about.

2. If lack of commitment is tied to lack of morality, analyze areas in which we are allowing immoral things to be apart of our lives.  Try to cut something out that is not needed in your own life so that morality is stronger in your home.

3. Talk to your children and ask them what they think commitment means. Try to clarify areas that may be cloudy for them.

4. Think about your life, and figure out what you are most committed to.  It usually is something you NEVER miss.  Figure out if that is what you would want to be remembered as being the most committed to, if not change it.

5. Figure out the boundaries your family needs to set in order to keep commitments.  Talk about it as a family, and have everyone put in their ideas as well.

Femininity: The quality or condition of being feminine.

Quality: Essential character; nature.

Character: Moral or ethical strength.

This passage is one that I am extremely excited about because, after studying this topic for a while, I uncovered something that was very interesting to me. I hope it is interesting to you as well. 

The definition above states that femininity is the quality or condition of being feminine.  Upon reading that, I knew that that definition alone would not be enough for me to truly understand the word. So, I then found out what quality meant, since femininity is the quality of being feminine.  When I looked up quality and read the definition, I realized something important.  If the definition of quality is our essential character, then the root of women being feminine and men being masculine is our CHARACTER.  Interestingly, character is defined as moral or ethical strength.  Therefore, this is the interesting discovery I found, FEMININITY IS DIRECTLY LINKED TO MORAL AND ETHICAL STRENGTH.

Please understand, I am not saying that someone who is a tomboy doesn’t have moral or ethical strength.  In fact, there are probably some that have MORE than some girls that love dresses and accessories.  But does being a tomboy mean you are not feminine?  Tomboy’s definition is: “a girl who likes rough games and activities.”  I am pretty sure there are feminine tomboys out there.  I like rough outdoor activities so I would count myself as a feminine tomboy.   If femininity is moral and ethical, than it is more than just what we like and, or, dislike.

Look at this picture:

Now this one:

Isn’t there such a difference in the way women are portrayed then and now?  I am not saying that we all need to go out and buy 50’s dresses.  In fact, fashion is a whole other subject we will cover another time.  I am saying, that femininity comes from within, and even in these two pictures you can see the difference between the two.  Perhaps femininity is disappearing because morals and ethics are disappearing. 

When I think of the word femininity, I think of how a woman carries herself.  Usually dignity and grace are other words that come to mind.  I will be honest in saying that usually I feel, as a stay at home mom, that I don’t worry about femininity too much.  I will also be honest in saying; I would love to feel feminine MORE.  There are some women today that I look at and think, “WOW!  Now that is one classy lady.  She carries herself so poised, and is very feminine.  I want to be like that.”  Here is one example:

But then when I try to become that, I feel weird because I am not from that generation, and I don’t feel walking around in a business suit is very practical for a stay at home mom.  To be brutally honest, neither is the 50s dress, or rarely is ANY dress practical for a mom on the go.  I always feel like I am at this point in my life where I don’t fit anywhere.  I don’t fit in with the Julie Andrews crowd, and I don’t fit in with the hip and trendy crowd.  But, after doing this research I have realized that femininity is from within.  It’s true I can’t, nor do I WANT to, wear a business suit like Julie Andrews all day, BUT I can carry myself like her by building my personal character. 

We have talked in SEVERAL passages about putting away our selfish desires.  As we do that, we build our moral and ethical strength.  Our TRUE FEMNINE CHARACTER shines through.  “Our true feminine character”, meaning the one that God gave us. 

Look at this picture:

This mom is in jeans and a shirt, and yet look how feminine she is!  I love this one too:

Loving rough outdoor activities can still be feminine too!  Femininity is about what our character is made up of.  A man who is in his TRUE moral character is just naturally different, than a female who is in her TRUE moral character.  This is because the root of femininity and masculinity is our souls. So here is the hard question:  Do we FEEL feminine, and if not, what is going on INSIDE of us that is keeping us from our divine femininity?  I don’t have an answer because everyone is different, but thought provoking isn’t it?  Think about it, how can we present ourselves with grace and dignity when what we CHOOSE to watch, listen to, say, or even THINK is not full of grace and dignity?

Ladies, we can bring femininity back.  We can carry ourselves with grace and dignity as we strive to strengthen our moral and ethical strength.  As we do so we will be becoming who God intends us to be. We will feel a literal change in ourselves, a feminine change, because as we come closer to Christ, we become closer to who He WANTS us to be. Remember that this change is going to have to be looked at moment-by-moment, choice-by-choice.  Let us find the courage inside to increase our femininity so we can better the world around us.  We can make our contributions one feminine way at a time.

Yours truly,

5 Tips on Femininity

1.  Think about someone you feel has femininity that you want to emulate.  List the things that you feel make them that way.  Come up with small goals that will help you bring those things into your life.

2. At the end of the day, pick out the moments when you felt the most feminine.  Think about why you felt that way, and how you can feel that way more.  These may be when your hair is done, getting dressed etc.  Try to find times that don’t have to do with your outside appearance as well.

3. At the end of the day, pick out the moments when you felt the least feminine. Think about why you felt that way, and how you can avoid feeling that way more.

4. Think of one moral or ethical thing you would like to better in your life.  Come up with a plan as to how you will accomplish this.

5. Ask a spouse, or a male friend what he thinks of when he hears the word feminine.  Think about how you fit in what he is saying, and what areas you can improve to come across more feminine.