Commitment: The state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action or to another person or persons.
Have you ever noticed that in today’s world “commitment” is loosely used? It seems that some people would say they commit in life, while others are not afraid to come right out and say that they have a fear of commitment. I often wonder which is worse: pretending to commit, when in reality, only committing to convenience, or having the fear of committing, therefore, never experiencing what commitment feels like. I believe that neither is a good option for any person.
Accomplished ladies in the early days kept their commitments. They felt a moral obligation to family, society, and to God, to honor their commitments. Back then, a person who gave their word needed to give no other assurance then that. Nowadays, we have to pinky promise, hope to die, and stick a needle in our eye before our word is sufficiently accepted. Why is that I wonder? When did our words become less then sufficient? Perhaps it was when people began to not honor their word as much as they gave it. Why did we do that?
The definition above states that commitment is the state of being bound. What is bound?
Bound: Being under legal or moral obligation; A boundary; a limit
Committing is the state of being bound, setting a limit for oneself around our moral obligations. Interesting, that there are two things here that we are beginning to see a pattern in with many of the issues we have discussed throughout our passages. SOCIETY’S COMMITMENT HAS BEGUN TO FAIL BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF LIMITATIONS, AND, OR, MODERATION, AND THE LACK OF MORALITY.
I wonder if most of you thought this passage would mostly be about marriage, and the rising rate of divorce. Though that is a HUGE problem in society, and a huge part of commitment, the root of that problem is the lack of morality.
Morality: The quality of being in accord with standards of right or good conduct.
Usually, in cases of divorce, one or both parties are not in accord with standards of right or good conduct, whether it is selfishness, unfaithfulness, abuse, etc. Please understand, that sometimes in those circumstances divorce may be necessary. No one can judge a couple and their circumstances. All I am pointing out is that these things could have been prevented if the person, or persons, at fault had practiced good morality. AGAIN, let me say, I DO BELIEVE PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES AND CAN CHANGE THOSE MISTAKES. I know many instances where a good, moral person made an error, and the two people worked through that error and have very strong successful marriages. This passage is merely to point out, and make us aware, of the issue. In fact, most of us do not ALWAYS act in accordance with right or good behavior. Therefore, all of us are sometimes moral, and sometimes immoral. That is why we MUST be aware of the problem.
My mother-in-law, who is a wonderful woman, always says this phrase, which I have adopted, “When you serve at your convenience, you serve yourself. When you serve at your inconvenience, you serve the Lord.” Marriage, motherhood, and life are not ALWAYS convenient. However, it is in THOSE moments, the ones where you want to scream and pull your hair out, that our true character is being tested. The Lord knows that it is hard. The test is to choose to serve in spite of how hard it is, to learn how to control ourselves, and NOT scream and pull our hair out even though the carnal reaction is to do so. If being married, or being a mother, a daughter, a sister, or a friend were easy all the time, would you ever REALLY be able to measure the success of your commitment? It’s easy to commit to easy things, but it is hard to commit to LIFE-LONG things.
When I was a little girl, when I wanted to participate in something for the summer, or the school year, I had to commit to it. In our family, we were not allowed to quit something until the season was over. We were taught that if we gave our word to be part of that team, or to the teacher that we would be there until summer, then we had to fulfill that commitment. Looking back, I can see so clearly what wonderful things that taught me. I REALLY knew what I liked and did not like, because I had to stick with it until the season was over, even if I hated it. Sometimes I learned, that though it was hard, I liked the things I thought I wanted to quit, and other times I realized that I REALLY didn’t like it. I also learned what was worth my time, and what wasn’t. Commitment was not something we took lightly in our family.
That fact is why there are some who have the fear of committing. They don’t want to take it lightly. How do I know I can do it, or how do I know the person I commit to can do it forever? I have a favorite scene in the Disney movie Finding Nemo, it’s the scene where Dori and Marlin are inside of the Whale.
Dori: He said it’s time to let go. Everything’s going to be alright.
Marlin: How do you know? How do you know something bad isn’t gonna happen.
Dori: I don’t.
We can’t predict anyone’s future, but there are lessons to be learned that can only be learned through experience. We have to trust in people and talk with them openly about what commitment means. I know my husband and I have talked extensively about how when in an argument we DON’T bring up the word divorce. We don’t even joke around about it. We also talk about what cheating is, and how we are going to avoid even being in those circumstances. by setting limitations on how we interact with people of the opposite sex. That way we are openly making the commitment to each other on every level. Each time we talk, our trust in each other grows. Of course, our marriage is not perfect, and we work on it everyday. Some days are better than others, but every day we try to work on our commitment because it is worth it. To those with a fear, know that even if it doesn’t go as you plan, it is worth the journey. YOU are worth the journey. Or in other words, the person you will become through the journey is worth every risk.
To those who are in a marriage and thinking, “What if I am no longer bound emotionally to that person? Is it worth staying in a loveless marriage?” Though I cannot have the answers to that question, think about this: Is a deep emotion toward someone felt all the time? I love my little boy more than words can say, but that undying love is not felt at the forefront of my emotions all the time. So what is keeping us from feeling the obligation to that person? The world tells us that we shouldn’t stay with anyone just out of obligation. I agree--what a sad way to live--but wasn’t the obligation our choice, and isn’t joy our choice too? Can’t we find that we LOVE our obligations? I don’t have a personal answer for everyone, but thought provoking isn’t it? We have the ability and power to change only ourselves, and if we are at odds with someone we can change our feelings for that person. I admit, it probably won’t happen over night, or possibly over a month, but if we try to point out the positive, pretty soon we will only see the positive.
Ladies, let us return to morality, and keep our commitments. Let us set limits and boundaries to keep us in accordance with good conduct. We can work on letting OUR words be the only assurance people need because we do what we say. We can try to stick with things for the long haul. Perhaps circumstances may cause that to be impossible, but we can try. It’s time to allow the meaning of commitment to be heard and seen. It’s time to serve in spite of convenience. We can make our life long contributions one commitment at a time.
Yours truly,
5 tips on Commitment
1. Have a sit down talk with a spouse, a friend, etc about commitment. Define together what that means, and how you will keep commitments to each other. Perhaps write up what you had talked about.
2. If lack of commitment is tied to lack of morality, analyze areas in which we are allowing immoral things to be apart of our lives. Try to cut something out that is not needed in your own life so that morality is stronger in your home.
3. Talk to your children and ask them what they think commitment means. Try to clarify areas that may be cloudy for them.
4. Think about your life, and figure out what you are most committed to. It usually is something you NEVER miss. Figure out if that is what you would want to be remembered as being the most committed to, if not change it.
5. Figure out the boundaries your family needs to set in order to keep commitments. Talk about it as a family, and have everyone put in their ideas as well.
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