5 Tips for Simple, Important, Refinement:

     

This post kicks-off our Wednesday Tip Days.  Every Wednesday, we will have Simple Refinement tips focused on Monday’s Passage theme.  Here is our first list:

1. Skip a favorite TV show and go for a walk.  So much of the world’s beauty can be enjoyed through walking.  Also, so much valuable thinking happens when it’s quiet.  If you don’t want to go alone, take a spouse, or a friend, and enjoy some meaningful conversation.  You may also want to take the kids--they might enjoy the fresh air.  If it’s snowing, or too cold, go down to the shopping mall and walk the mall. Here is a picture I took on a walk recently…

2. Visit a neighbor.  Whether she is a widow, a mother, single, or married; we can all use a visit time and again.
   
3. Take time to schedule an activity with the children and allow yourself to get wrapped up in the experience.  If you don’t have children, take your sister’s kids out or a friend’s.  We, as women, are and have always been mothers, even if children come in unusual ways.
4. Go down to your community center and explore.  Find out what is there, how you can get involved, etc.  Lots of enriching experiences can come into our lives and our family lives by getting to know our community.  You could also go down to your children’s school, and get involved there.  Education truly can change our children, for the good or for the bad.  Our involvement is needed so that we can make sure that the things going on there are important.
5. Smile more.  I know that smiling can change us and those around us.  It will also help remind us that we ARE happy and satisfied with the simple important contributions we are making.

Let’s experiment…

Today is Wednesday.  Let’s see if we can do all five of these things before next Wednesday.  Then, next week, when we get tips on next week’s passage, lets share how these tips have refined us and blessed our lives. 

Time to hear from you:

Tell us some of your tips and share some experiences that you have had that have changed a course of events either for you or for someone else…  I can’t wait to hear what important things you have been doing.

Many of you have asked how you can contribute to this blog.  Your comments are an important contribution.  I believe that we learn from each other, and we can also see just how many of us there are out there that believe these things and that are making simple contributions.  Also, PLEASE email me some information any one you might know that could be spotlighted.  It will help me look beyond just who I can see and meet more accomplished ladies. 

Keep an eye out for the book club, because I am going to be introducing that very soon!

Thank you all for all you are doing.

Yours truly,

Important- Strongly affecting the course of events or the nature of things; significant

Significant- Having or expressing a meaning; meaningful

What is important, and what is not?  This seems to be a question that has plagued society since the beginning of time.  Even as far back as Adam and Eve.  It also seems that the meaning of the word has changed with time.  Well, perhaps not changed; the meaning of the word has not changed, but our focus has.

What do you think of when you hear the word important-- something that receives a large amount of attention?  That is the picture that pop culture has painted for us to see, but the definition above says nothing about attention.  It reveals another word beginning with the letter “a”: affecting. 

Affecting- Moving

Moving- Changing; causing or producing motion

Something or someone that attracts a lot of attention does constitute some sort of awareness.  However, does it deserve the honor of importance?  Is it changing a course of events, and furthermore, meaningfully changing the nature of anything?  After pondering on these questions, a flash of understanding darted across my mind:  We have the power to choose what is important. 

When a child looks at a cat, he or she says “cat” because that is what they have learned the animal to be.  They trust in what they have been taught, and believe that they know what it is.  I wonder if we, too, are children in a sense, and allow society to tell us what is important.  Blindly trusting, we believe we know what importance is.  Here is the question: Why are we allowing SOCIETY to be the teacher?  Society is probably not the only teacher out there.  I do believe, many of us have had other teachers, quite possibly on a more important level: our parents, religion, neighbors, and, or, friends.   Many of these teachers have been teaching us different things than society.  That is why we feel a conflict inside.  On one hand we have been taught that “a” and “b” are important, while society is saying “y” and “z” are important.  I wonder if there are many of us that, desiring to be noble, chose to pattern our lives after the belief that “a” and “b” really are important, and yet feel the pain from the sting that society manipulatively gives for not choosing “y” or “z”.  Allowing the pain from that all too bitter stings to dwell in our hearts, we then look at “a” and “b” through the eyes of pain, and consequently, their importance is unknowingly diminished in our minds.   We begin to doubt and question the importance of simple things.  Things like keeping the house clean so that a happy feeling can dwell in the home, or taking children to play groups so they can develop good social skills.  Don’t simple things, like social skills, change the very nature of our children, and as they grow up into adults, with good social skills, doesn’t that change the course of events for many others?   Shouldn’t we give the honor of importance to things like that? 

Now that we are somewhat aware and can see the issue, the good news is that we can change our minds; change our thought pattern.  People do THAT everyday!  We can start to catch ourselves looking at what pop culture defines as important, ask ourselves if it is meaningful, and then remind ourselves that simplicity is the key to making an important contribution.  In fact, I would venture to say, that the most important things attract very little and sometimes no attention.

The Savior of the World, Jesus Christ, came to the earth in a stable.  Very few people were there, or knew about that event until later, but it is one of the most important events in all the world’s history.  Few were there when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, and the apostles fell asleep as Christ went into the Garden of Gethsemane.  I wonder if Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John knew how many people would read their writings, and yet, look how important they have become.  (I mentioned in our first passage, that traditionally, accomplished ladies were well versed in the Bible, patterning their lives after its teachings.  I am a believer of the good word, and it is one of the reasons I have made the choices I have made in my life.  So, I will more than likely bring it up often in my passages.)

Ladies, importance is an honor that we must reclaim and give to the simple things -- the meaningful things that are changing or affecting those around us.  Few were at the actual ceremony of my wedding, and the world didn’t notice the birth of my son, but they have been the most important events of my life.  I don’t really know if anyone is reading these passages, but yet, they are important because of the change that is happening in me as I write them.  We can’t give the power to someone else to decide what is important for us.  When we do, it cunningly diminishes acts like this

 

or this.

Who says that what the woman doing in the first picture is not as important as this?

Is not the woman above changing the course of events in the elderly sisters’ life, just as this woman may be changing the course of events for some?   But which is more meaningful?  I don’t know that I have a definitive answer because there are a lot of unknown factors, but thought provoking, isn’t it?  Accomplished ladies have minds and voices of their own and are not cunningly deceived into thinking that just because something attracts attention means it is important.  We must choose to be fulfilled in the choices we make, but we can only do that if we each claim the power to define what is important in our own lives.  We can look at the choices we have made, decide that yes, we are doing something important, and allow the feeling of accomplishment to burn within our hearts.  So my dear ladies, let’s put on our bonnets, go out into our world, and continue doing important things, one simple way at a time.

Yours truly, 

Modern- definition: belonging to the Modern Era
Accomplished- definition: having many social graces; polished or refined.
Lady- definition: a woman of refinement
Refinement- definition: the quality of excellence in thought, manner, and taste.

These passages are from the deepest caverns of my heart. They are reflections that have been locked away--waiting for a time that I could adequately form the words that would do them justice. Though I still lack a broad vocabulary, I can no longer keep them inside.

I must confess that I have a small obsession with a certain movie. I am sure many of you share this small obsession because usually when I bring this particular movie up in conversation, many are eager to share their thoughts.

Yes! Pride and Prejudice is a movie I seem to have an unusual ability, or plague, to watch over and over and not tire from watching it. Similarly, I can watch Emma, Sense and Sensibility, Mansfield Park, and Becoming Jane. Now, don’t misunderstand that these are going to be passages about Jane Austen. Though she is a wonderful storyteller, it is not her stories alone that I seem to be consumed by. I also enjoy Little Women, Jane Eyre, and Gone With the Wind just to name a few. I have often wondered what is it about these stories? Is it the characters? The plot? Could it be the language, the costumes, or the cinematography? After much thought I figured it out! Though all of the filmatic elements above add to my enjoyment, the thing that draws me to these movies is the time period; the nostalgia that you feel as you watch them. It’s the desire that I have to be a better woman, or as mentioned above, the desire to be an accomplished lady.

Women in these movies take pride in their ability to be accomplished in the simple things: running their home, serving their friends and neighbors, playing music, creating art, dancing, writing letters, reading literature, and being well versed in the Bible, etc.

I wonder if the definition of accomplished in our day has moved away from social graces and simple refinement towards specific skill sets. Of course then and now cannot all be the same because we are modern women. However, perhaps modern is a given. By that I mean, we are born in the modern world, therefore we are modern. Perhaps we put too much emphasis on being modern when in reality we already are and we might use our time better if we were to use it by trying to be ladies. Please understand that I am speaking to myself as much as to anyone else if not more. I am not perfect at this by any means, which is why I am issuing a call, a challenge if you will: a return to the Accomplished Lady.

It’s interesting to me that you can spend a whole day keeping an orderly home, providing plentiful meals, creating fun activities for the children, giving baths, and then at the end of the day, when you finally climb into bed and lay your head on the pillow, you begin to account for the day, and though it was full, you still have the feeling that you didn’t do anything worth a significant contribution to the world. Do you know that feeling? Is that because nobody is there to give their praise, or is it because on the news or in the paper you see stories of women who are getting praise for their amazing careers? You see actresses and singers talk about achieving their dreams; you see new make-up, hair styles, and fashion and feel that in some way you are estranged if you don’t fit in on some level. Please don’t misunderstand me: I am supportive of one achieving their dreams, and for women in the workforce, and for keeping up with trends. That is what woman’s lib was all about: women having the choice--the choice between running the home or entering the workforce. I wonder, though, if the majority of the women that voted really wanted to enter the workforce or if they just wanted the respect from those around them. I wonder if they didn’t want to be taken for granted and told that their place was in the home. Rather, did the want to be seen as equals, choosing their role just as man was choosing his. I wonder if they expected the movement to turn into what it has become today? Would they be proud? I don’t know, but thought provoking isn’t it? I do know that this change has left many women feeling like failures. If they can’t run their homes and have a successful career, then they aren’t really accomplished in the modern sense. If they give the care needed to run their homes and raise their children, can they have a successful career? If they have a successful career, can they really put in all the time needed to nurture children and run their homes without help? What’s the sacrifice and how does one measure success? I don’t know that I know the answer, but this blog is meant to explore this and so much more. Please understand that I know there are many women in different circumstances: single, divorced, single-mom, working mom, widow etc. This blog will try to explore all circumstances and be as unbiased as possible. However, it will also offer many thought-provoking insights, so that we all might remember traditional ideals, and become better acquainted with the unheard voices that speak contrary to popular culture.

Sisters, its time that we become refined, accomplished, ladies again: ladies who take pride in simplicity and believe that simplicity is the key to making a great contribution. It may be behind the scenes, but it seems to me that the women back in those stories didn’t feel threatened that no one knew how amazing they were, they just were amazing. The idea that a contribution is not a great contribution unless it is noticed is a modern idea, but remember we are redefining the word. This blog is to glorify simplicity! It is to glorify refinement! Every week on Monday, we will have a passage. A thought-provoking insight centered on a modern idea. On Wednesday, there will be tips on refinement that correlate with Monday’s passage and other fun tidbits. On Friday, there will be a spotlight on a real, modern, accomplished lady: someone who does amazing, simple things behind the scenes, and can give hope to others who too, like her, have gone unnoticed. We will start a book club to become well versed in literature, a music library where we can review beautiful music and encourage each other to pick up a new musical skill, an art gallery where women can showcase their art, and much, much more. I am delighted to see where this blog will take us! From here on, all who read these passages are modern, accomplished, ladies making contributions one simple way at a time.

Your Truly,