Passages for the Modern Accomplished Lady

Meet Tara!

Tara’s story is a great one, and I learned so much from talking with her yesterday.  I met up with her at her parent’s home where she was babysitting her two nephews.  The younger one LOVES the baby in Tara’s tummy.  He talks to her tummy, and gives it kisses.  But just as charming as watching that little boy, was watching Tara interact with him.  This accomplished lady is a WONDERFUL aunt, and is going to make a wonderful mother.

Tara has been a performer since high school.  She majored in music, dance, and theatre in college, and then went on to work professionally for companies like Disney.  Tara felt the keen desire to move to New York City to achieve her dream of being a performer on Broadway.  It was there in NYC that she learned some hard, yet valuable, lessons.

In New York, Tara attended audition after audition in hope of being discovered.  “I felt like my skills were improving, but my auditions were getting worse,” she said.  She explained to me that performing had become more of a checklist, than a passion. “ I wanted to be able to say that I had done a Broadway show, so that I could move on with my life.”   That feeling of pressure, to get what we set out to get, tends to take the sheer joy out of why we started the conquest in the first place.  After a while in New York, without a job on Broadway, Tara decided to get her Masters Degree at NYU.  Shortly after paying her tuition, she would have to make one of the hardest decisions of her life.

 After all the auditioning, Tara was finally offered a role in the Broadway touring company of Thoroughly Modern Millie.  Her dream was finally before her!  However, she had already started the masters program at NYU, and a tour would mean that she would have to leave New York.  After thinking long and hard about it, Tara turned down the offer. “It just didn’t feel right,” she said.  She finished her degree, and came to another crossroads: stay in NYC and go after the dream again, or leave the city and the dream behind.  This was even harder than turning Millie down, because even though she had already said no to her dream once, this meant saying no to it for a while, and maybe even forever.  Tara and I discussed how sometimes God plants dreams and desires in our hearts, and we assume that means they will come true.  BUT, sometimes those things He plants in our hearts are to lead us down a path that is vital for our growth here on earth.  There are people we need to meet, lessons we need to learn, and weaknesses we need to overcome.  There are choices we need to face, and chances for proving ourselves to God, that are all a part of these journeys.  What’s really interesting is that God is much more interested in the journey, than the destination. It doesn’t make any difference to Him if we achieve our earthly dreams or not, as long as we become who we need to become to reach the Eternal Dream.

 During this time of decision-making, Tara had some other realizations.  She realized that she had been placing so much of her self worth in this ONE area.  “I had the distinct thought that ‘I am of worth’, and this alone does not prove that.  I can go help my 90-year-old neighbor, and be worth just as much as if I do a show on Broadway,” she said.  “I felt like I was losing it; losing it emotionally, and spiritually.”  Perhaps, she was losing herself in pursuit of this one aspect of her life.  She was reminded of the dream she had always had, “to be a mom”.   This reminder, along with many other things, led her to the decision to leave New York City.

Tara left with the faith that because she was doing the right thing, she would quickly find a husband. However, it didn’t quite work out that quickly.  Tara chuckled, “Sometimes we sacrifice in hopes it will work out exactly how we want, but it doesn’t, and that’s ok.”  She did eventually marry, and she and her husband are expecting their first child in March.  When I asked Tara what she had learned from this experience, she said, “We have to always keep re-evaluating, and re-defining our dreams; ask ourselves, ‘Is this REALLY what I want? Is this where I should be?’”  (Those words struck me, sometimes it’s not the question, “could I”, but “SHOULD I?” we should be asking.)   “We have to learn to let go of certain dreams, so we can live the one we’re living,” Tara said.  I love that.

I asked Tara what her dreams were now and she said, “Having this baby, getting my husband through Grad school, and teaching… I guess I would say I am LIVING the dream.”  Since leaving New York, Tara has discovered her love for teaching voice lessons, photography, and so many other things.  Each of us is a whole person, made up of so many elements, and we should take the time to explore them all. 

When I asked Tara what she wanted all of you to know, she responded:

     “Learn to be right where you are, and accept it.  So many girls would love to have the chance to be mothers.  Though their lives may look exciting from the outside, they are always feeling that longing for the ultimate dream.  I know this because I was once there. We need to appreciate it, and LET it be good.  We can be happy in less than perfect circumstances.”

I have thought about these words a lot, since talking with Tara.  I am really struck by, “LET it be good.”  Letting it be good, means we have to let go of all the regrets, or “what ifs”.  I know, through Tara’s example, that I can be as content with my life as Tara is with hers. 

Someone once told me that God wouldn’t give us all of these abilities and talents just to change diapers and clean the house.  But is that really all it is? Perhaps, we’re shaping the well being of our families physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Imagine, that all over the world, there are thousands of accomplished ladies, like Tara, who are not just good, but proficient in many things, and have chosen to use those many gifts to bless the most important people they are responsible for: their families.  They also, are blessing their communities by being involved in the schools, and sharing their abilities and talents with their neighbors.  They can see that it is much more valuable to give up the “worldly stages” for an eternal audience. These women I am speaking of are not just mothers. I know many single, talented, women, who have chosen, though living by themselves, not to live FOR themselves.  They don’t allow themselves to get caught up in all the world has to offer, because they believe THEY have things to offer.  I know many married women who are not blessed to have children yet who are also living for others.  They use all they have been given to simply bless those around them with no thought of recognition.  If you ask me, I think THAT is being a mother, in every sense of the word.   Isn’t it amazing to be among this group of women?  Even though we will likely never meet each other, we can take comfort in knowing we are in good company.  We CAN be happy in less than perfect circumstances; our realities can become our dreams one simple way at a time.

Yours truly,

P.S. To view Tara's Photography go to http://tarabutlerphotography.blogspot.com/