Passages for the Modern Accomplished Lady

The Moment We Have All Been Waiting For…

 

Our First Spotlight!

Meet Mary and Heidi.

I met with these two accomplished women yesterday, and it was an important experience in my life.  I feel changed, on a certain level, and I hope to never look at mothering the same way I did before I met them.

Mary is the mother of 23-year-old Heidi.  Heidi was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at birth, due to complications of childbirth--Mary was in labor with Heidi for two-and-a-half days.  Though many people have suggested that Heidi should go to a care center, Mary knows she could never do that.  “It’s really important to be there for your children,” she says, “to be consistent.”  

Mary’s day typically begins with getting Heidi up. Heidi greets her mother with an ear-to-ear smile each morning.  It’s very contagious, and one of Mary’s favorite things. Next, it’s time for a bath. Sometimes Mary makes a bubble beard on Heidi’s face prompting Heidi to sign “Santa Clause! Santa Clause!” When bath time is through, it’s time to get dressed. “This is our favorite time of day,” Mary said. Together, Mother and Daughter laugh and play. Heidi has a great sense of humor and LOVES to tease. (I experienced this humor first hand as she teasingly joked that I was a boy while I visited them in their home.) Once Heidi is dressed, Mary takes the time to dry her hair, and get it neatly done for the day. Heidi doesn’t like to get her hair done, but she loves it when it IS done. She likes to show it off to the rest of the family. She loves to feel pretty. I think most accomplished women do. With bath, clothes, and hairdos all taken care of, Heidi takes her medicine and has breakfast. All of Heidi’s food has to be blended. She chokes very easily, so she doesn’t eat solid food very often. Mary carefully prepares Heidi’s food each day. Now…I don’t know what you are thinking by this point, but I’m amazed at how much Mary accomplishes…and we haven’t even gotten through breakfast yet! “I never quit,” says Mary with a smile. You may be surprised to know that very few families care for handicapped children from home. That number becomes more and more slim once children graduate from school and need 24 hour care. Heidi graduated from school several years ago, but still misses it terribly; she LOVED school. Even now, if an errand takes the family by the school, Heidi cries because she misses it so much. In the wake of this longing, Mary makes sure that Heidi’s days are filled with other activities she likes.  She loves to go on walks, see her friends, have stories read to her, make and listen to music, and she LOVES to dance. Now let me paint a picture for you: Mary grabs Heidi’s hands and helps her move to the groove of the music—something old and classic most of you would appreciate—they sway back and forth. Mary moves with such style, you’d think she was dancing with the Queen. Heidi smiles as they dance. Her smile grows and grows until it lights up a much bigger space than any family room.

“Smiles make it worth it!” says Mary, even though, “it can be challenging at times.”  Heidi averages 5-6 seizures a day.  Additional problems that you and I don’t worry about like the common cold or an ear infection can increase that number to 40-50 per day! Additionally, as a female, Heidi experiences a monthly menstrual cycle, and Mom is the one that takes care of both the physical and emotional challenges that come along with that.  With a smile on her face, Mary tells me that Heidi can be quite moody occasionally, but let’s be honest, who isn’t sometimes?!

Among, other challenges, Heidi has had to undergo many surgeries including the placement of a metal rod in her back-the hardest of the lot, Mary told me. But despite the hardships, through her experiences, Mary has had the amazing opportunity to reevaluate what is important.  Before Heidi, Mary told me that she took a child’s growth and development for granted. “It was what they were supposed to do,” she said.  “Now, I have learned to appreciate every little step.”  Heidi has made REMARKABLE steps.  She signs a number of words--she doesn’t have a lot of dexterity in her fingers so it’s not ASL, but it does the job in her family.  Additionally, and this amazes me, out of the 4 syllables Heidi has learned to say, her most common word is “mama,” closely followed by “ba,” “da,” and “ya.” If you tell her she has a pretty dress on or that her hair looks nice today, she replies “Ma-ma-ma-ma” in sweet homage to the woman who takes the time to care for her every need.

Now that Heidi has finished school and is with her Mom 24 hours most days, Mary has become her world.  “She is very protective of me,” Mary told me.  “She wants  to only sit by me, she doesn’t like others to touch me, and she can sometimes be seen throwing tantrums when other family members have my attention.”  Heidi often tells her mom through sign language that she is her “friend”.  Being in their home with the two of them, I know that they are so much more.

A word or two should definitely be said about Mary and Heidi’s other family members.  Heidi is the only girl, but her brothers take care of her very well.  They read to her, make her laugh, give her hugs, and really watch out for her.  In fact, Mary’s oldest son, James, when leaving home to serve a two-year mission for his church, told the whole congregation that Heidi was his hero.  Additionally, Heidi has a wonderful stepfather who loves her very much. She cares for him too…as long as he is not around Mom!  Together, they are a tight-knit, wonderful family, and the way they all interact together is very important to Mary.

When I asked Mary what she would like all of you to know, she responded:

“Find happiness in every little development.  Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, because you do.  Don’t be afraid to say you’re sorry.  Hug your children and tell them you love them everyday. You never know which day is your last, so you have to make each day count.”

I know that I’m going to make each day count in the same way Mary makes Heidi’s days count.  Her love, care, and effort to enrich the life of another is an inspiration to all of us. Mary is an example of an accomplished lady who makes an important contribution in her daughter’s life one simple way at a time.  I can only imagine the sweet reunion these extraordinary women will have after this life.  I am sure Heidi will have so many things to tell Mary, but I have a feeling that one of the first things will be, “Thank You, Mom.”

Yours truly,