Due to today's holiday, I will post the passage tomorrow.  


Until then, 

Meet Amanda

Amanda is most assuredly an accomplished lady, who realizes that patience is a virtue that can keep a lady focused, and keep life worth living. Amanda is a 30-year-old single woman. Though 30 is still very young, for someone who has longed for marriage and motherhood since the time she was a little girl, 30 years can sometimes seem like an eternity. But it’s not only that. Much more uncommonly, Amanda continues to hold strong to, and practice, abstinence because of her religious beliefs.


When I asked her how she stays motivated to live her life this way, despite the fact that it has not gone the way she had planned, she replied, “Because of my religion, I truly believe that God rewards those who are obedient; I don’t want to sell myself short. I know that my reward will be that much greater as I continue to be obedient to Him.” As we sat together, and she shared this with me, her eyes began to well up with tears; tears in honor of her struggle, and tears in honor of her feelings for God. I tear up just thinking about it, and feel so honored that she would share these feelings with us.

“Someone has said that patience is not giving up, but a quiet acceptance. I think it’s also a quiet, continual hope,” Amanda said. She has not given up on her dreams for a husband, and children. In fact, she continues to prepare herself for those things. That is something that really impresses me about Amanda. She is “technically”, still at a point in her life where she COULD be “living it up”, and making it “all about her”. Yet, she has done the exact opposite. “It’s hard to find ways that you are needed when you’re single. As a mother you look at your children, and though they may be driving you crazy that day, you are NEEDED.” Despite the difficulty, Amanda still spends her time finding the ways in which she is needed. She serves her family, her friends, her community, and is currently using her master’s degree, by giving back to the university where she received her bachelor’s degree. Amanda courageously chooses to make her simple contribution to OTHERS, instead of herself. When I asked her why she was here, doing what she’s doing, instead of out living the exciting single life MTV has so wildly portrayed, she said, “My greatest happiness will come from other things. I believe the best is yet to come, and how sad would I be if I threw it all away, only to have everything I have been waiting for come into my life tomorrow?” I had never thought of that. What a wonderful perspective. The choices we make today directly affect the outcomes of tomorrow. I wonder if everyone thought that way, if there would be fewer things like divorce in the world? How sad it would be, if we were to throw every relationship away, when perhaps the best is yet to come. Perhaps the very thing a marriage is struggling with today, would be gone tomorrow. Please understand, that I do believe that there are founded reasons that some marriages end in divorce. I am not in ANY position to judge anyone. I just think this is an interesting perspective, and one I plan to think on for years to come.

“Patience doesn’t work all the time; I have to remember to keep the faith,” Amanda said. She explained to me the struggle it is from time to time; that dating guys today is much different than dating guys as a younger woman. She told me about some Biblical scriptures from the Book of James chapter one which read, “Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work…” “As we understand our ability to be patient, it changes us, it softens us,” Amanda told me in the most confident, yet soft tone, proving to me that she had experienced this softening first hand. “We all have our battles. We don’t get out of life free,” she told me. That is true--we won’t leave this life free from an experience: an experience made up of our choices, our battles, God’s tests, and Satan’s temptations. But we MUST keep patience and hope through all of it. Seeing that Amanda keeps her hope, is not very hard. She carries herself with dignity and smiles often. She is usually seen reaching out to others, and would NEVER come across to anyone as being anything but a person FULL of hope.


To those that are in a similar situation as Amanda, she says, “It’s so easy to get pessimistic. Satan’s greatest tool is to try and destroy our hope. Try to find one thing a day that is joyful. It’s easy to find someone that is in need and can put our pain into perspective. Forget yourself and go to work serving others.”


To those Moms out there that struggle with feeling as though they have given up everything to be “JUST a mom”, remember this, “I wish for that EVERY SINGLE DAY,” says Amanda. “It’s true I don’t know the feeling of regret, the way a mother might feel regret, but a mother won’t know the feeling of loneliness, in the way that I know loneliness.” Amanda paused, thinking, and then said, “It may be a long time, just like me finding a husband,” she chuckled, “But there will come a day when your children will look at you and call you blessed. THAT’S worth patience.”


The patience this accomplished lady demonstrates, as she awaits her companion, is extremely noble. Though she has the excuse not to, she already gives of her time, talents, and love to others, preparing for the day that she will give them to her love. The definition of Patience was:


Patient-
1. Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; Not hasty or impulsive.
2. Persevering; constant.
3. Tolerant; understanding.


Perhaps to that we ought to add:


4. Amanda




Yours truly,

5 Tips on Patience


1. This one was in the passages, but I think it is a good one.  Find one thing that you could get angry about, but don't.  Choose to think about it, and find away to get the lesson across without anger.  


2. During a hard time, try to do some research and pondering on the word "hope".  Decide that, though it may not work out when and how you want it to, God knows you, and what you need. 


3.  When shopping, decide not to buy impulsively.  Pick one thing you do not need right away, and wait to get it.  Who knows, you may decide later that you don't need it.


4.  Write down a few goals, and try to have the patience to persevere and see them through.  Write down the things you learned about patience, and how it affected your life.


5. Write down all the things you are doing now, and see if you are trying to run faster than you have strength.  Realize that there are times and seasons, and try to gain the patience needed to set something aside for a time.


Yours truly,

Patient- 

1.     Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; Not hasty or impulsive.

2.     Persevering; constant.

3.     Tolerant; understanding.

When I think about traditional times--you know, the times we’ve talked about before--I think that they must have known what it meant to be patient.  Think about Pride and Prejudice.  In that time, they walked most places they went.  That alone exhibits more patience than we have!  Basically, their day was dedicated to that one thing that they were walking towards.  Now, we try to find as many things as we can possibly cram into 24 hours, and still complain that there are not more hours in a day.  Where has patience gone in our day?  I wonder if the only time we see patience is when circumstance forces us to, and even then, do we truly embody patience, or do we just wish the whole time that we could see the outcome RIGHT NOW?!  I love that the definition above gives us so many angles to look at patience from.  Let’s look at each definition together.

1. Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; Not hasty or impulsive

I was thinking just the other day about how many times we see the word NOW in advertising.  TV, billboards, magazines, and newspaper ads are all showing us the things we need right NOW.  Many of us can clearly look at most of those things, and quickly reassure ourselves that we don’t NEED them, especially not right now.  However, I wonder if we realize the subconscious effect it has on us.  The pressure we feel to try and obtain things NOW.    We want the car, the house, the trip, the outfit, the Ipod, the Blackberry, RIGHT NOW!  I am sure there are many who don’t act upon the temptation, but the question is why do we allow the temptation to be there in the first place?  That is what has been so wonderful about writing these passages.  As I write about all of these subtle temptations we are facing in our modern society, I can uncover them, clearly look at them, and then realize that the person in control is myself.   I love the idea that patience is being capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result.  If we can look at what’s important, discuss what is in moderation, and then patiently await the time and the season that is right for the thing or idea we desire, we can sift through all the pressures society is creating.  We can realize that we are in control of our lives and our choices, and we can be different.  Sure, we can have it all, but not all at once. 

The second half of the definition hints that there may be an even DEEPER level to patience.  Perhaps the question is not CAN I have it all, but SHOULD I have it all.  With hard work, dedication, and time, it is possible to obtain everything.  BUT, as we have gone through and talked about returning to the accomplished lady, identifying importance, and using moderation, we can see that we must decide what we SHOULD put our time into so we can simplify our lives.  Maybe that is the reason for the second half of the definition.  Patience is not hastily choosing, but calmly stepping back and making an educated decision--taking the time to study and ponder so that we can act according to what we SHOULD do, not what we CAN do.  This also has another angle to it.  We as women, tend to not just HAVE it all, but to DO it all.  “…Let us run with patience the race that is set before us,” the Bible says.  Sometimes we have to say “No”, even to good things, so we don’t run faster than we have strength.

2.     Persevering, constant.

This is the part of the definition that most of us see in our lives.  Circumstances where hardship or trial is around allow us the opportunity to persevere.  Sometimes, when the trial is long, we are FORCED to persevere.  I wonder if we can really call that patience?  Is patience just enduring, or is it more than that?   Perhaps patience has something to do with the ATTITUDE in which we endure.   The definition above also says constant, which means, “steadfast in purpose, loyalty, or affection; FAITHFUL.”  I find it interesting that the word faithful is used.  In the Bible, faith is commonly grouped with hope and charity.   If the attitude, in which a person endures is despair and anger, though the endurance may be long, are we patient?   Or, is the person who endures in the attitude of hope and love patient?  Now, let me clarify by saying that those who endure with hope and love probably don’t LOVE the thing they are enduring.  Enduring denotes some sort of hardship, or obstacle.  Hope and love are not always fun, but they are full of trust and confidence.  A patient person trusts in God’s ability to deliver them, but has the willingness to allow the deliverance to be on God’s time.   That does not mean that we can’t ask “why” or “is there another way”.  Jesus Christ, the only perfect man to walk the earth, asked that, but then followed it with, “Not my will, but Thine be done.”

I tend to struggle with persevering.  I want to know the answers, or experience the deliverance right away, but I believe that change is possible.

3.     Tolerant; Understanding

In the Bible we read, “He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding,” “… Be patient toward all men.”  Patience also has a level of love to it as well.  Choosing to not hastily jump to anger, but slowly try to understand, is a challenge of a lifetime.  As wives and mothers, we face this challenge several times a day.  We have children and spouses that sometimes act differently than we would hope, but we are they ONLY ones responsible for how we respond.  We can act with love and understanding.  Even if we try to find one thing that we could get angry about, but just let go, we might learn something about patience.  Please understand, that I am FAR from being perfect at this.   In fact, I hope that by writing this, I might be motivated to be better.  I do think, however, that by living in a world that is telling us that you have to do what makes you happy, no one can tell you what to do, etc, we run the risk of blindly living that way and treating others accordingly. We try so hard to straddle the line between contemporary thinking and traditional beliefs, and try to get them to coexist, but do they?  Can we profess to BELIEVE in traditional values, but LIVE a contemporary life style? Are we happy trying to do both?  I don’t know the answer to that, but thought provoking isn’t it?

Ladies, I wonder if the reason we are meant to be wives and mothers, the reason some of us are still dealing with the yearnings to be wives and mothers is all for us to learn and cultivate patience.  We can look at the worlds temptations of being first, having it now, and being right, squarely in the face and say, “PATIENCE!”   We can continue to feel comfort in the fact that there are accomplished women out there in the modern world daring to be different.  We can patiently make our contribution one simple way at a time.

Yours truly,

Meet Janique

Janique is truly an Accomplished Lady who has always LOVED being involved in her community, and it was great to get with her, and to learn some things about moderation. 

“I think of balance and happiness when I hear the word moderation,” she said, “when I try to run faster than I have strength, or do too much, it is true that there is a temporary high, but there are also meltdowns because there is no control.”  “I used to think happiness was being busy all the time, but now that my life is vastly different, I am beginning to understand that that isn’t always happiness.  You have to find joy in just being,” she told me.  I love that she talked about just being, because that is what being a mom is all about--just being. 

Janique knows all about being busy, and the shot of exhilaration that comes with that.  She was on the city youth council, volunteered around many juvenile centers, took dance, and was involved in many scholarship pageants.  As we sat in her living room she told me, “When I got married, reality hit really hard.  I was no longer Janique Sinclair, I was now so-in-so’s wife.”  I wonder if those are the limitations we feel as wives and mothers, the limits that we are living ALL the time for others, and when you think of it in those terms, it really is a remarkable thing- something that society could use more of.   

It’s interesting that this reality hit so hard, because Janique had grown up being taught all about moderation.  Her father died when Janique was the age of 2 and her little sister was a tiny baby.  “Life was about moderation,” she said, “my mom had to provide physically for us as well as emotionally.”  She was able to start a business and run it out of her home. “She worked super hard while we napped, and during the night, but we always knew that when we were awake, it was our time,” she said with a smile on her face.  We then talked about how interesting it is that our mother’s generation lived for their children.  My mother too, though not a single mom, lived only for her children.  I barely remember her doing anything for herself.  Janique had an interesting philosophy on that, “I think our mothers’ generation grew up learning to work hard; work hard for others; they were raised in preparation of being mothers.  Our generation grew up learning to seize every opportunity, because there were so many.  The intentions were good, but it becomes really hard when we become mothers and all of those opportunities we had for us-that lifestyle changes. I wonder if there could be a better balance?”  That’s a good question.  Please understand that Janique is TRULY grateful for all of the opportunities she has had and would change them for a second, but could we offer a better balance for our little girls so that they don’t have to face the same difficulties?  “I always believed that all the things I was doing were going to help make me a well-rounded person, a better mother, but when I got to the point of marriage and mother-hood, I really wasn’t thinking that way,” she said.  That’s the danger that most of us face, that somewhere along the way, we loose perspective of what life’s really all about, and then when we do, make the choices to get our lives in line, we are faced to deal with all the selfish habits that we have formed.   Janique looked at her little girl Amiah and smiled, “I want Amiah to accomplishe a lot, but all in preparation to becoming a mother.”   

I wonder if that ties back to our passage on dreams, I wonder if teaching our children the differences between dreams and interests, things we enjoy versus things we give our hearts to, would give us the moderation needed for our children. 

Many people could look at Janique’s life and see ALL the limitations there are in being a wife to an aspiring professional football player.  Even now he is gone every night for college football practice, and during the season he is gone every weekend.  Even when there is not a game he is gone to a hotel to rest, to prevent illness.  Janique says, “I can sometimes think it’s hard, but instead I try to focus on the time we do have together, and how his experience is building the both of us.”  Obviously it’s not that Janique is without ideas and aspirations of her own, but isn’t it remarkable to see someone care about a person more than ideas? “My role is small, but it’s also big.  I can help change an outlook, or help him get the rest he needs to do well on the game,” she said.  I then asked her how do you keep yourself from deciding that because he is gone all the time your marriage isn’t working?  The first thing she said to me with surprise was, “Wow, you know, I don’t even think that way.”  Isn’t that awesome! Then she added, “It is kind of a refresher for the marriage.  We miss each other terribly when he is gone, so when he gets home it’s like a newly wed faze all over again.”  She told me several times when talking about her marriage that the thing that makes it work is balance and moderation.

Janique has had some interesting jobs that I had to ask her about in relation to moderation.  She has worked with children nationally and internationally.  One joy she had was working with in a center for people with eating disorders.  “Moderation is truly survival for them,” she told me.  When the girls come to this center, they are usually dire.  They are not capable of making clear decisions when it comes to food.  Their choices have altered them physically, mentally, physiologically, emotionally, and chemically.  “It’s hard because most of them do not want to change.  Death is not a scary consequence to them. They would rather be dead than fat,” she said with a pained look. “If we can help them BEFORE they get to this point, that would be great.”  Hearing this made me sad, and made me think about disorders in general--a disorder is really a lack of moderation.  Of course, in many cases, disorders and addictions cannot be fixed by an individual’s efforts alone.

Janique has also worked at a center for children with learning disabilities and minor behavioral problems.  The center dealt with cases that range from ADHD to minor autism and aspergers.  Some of these kids, may have been left to live far below their potential.  It's a normal occurance for families to feel like since they are handicapped, they will never function fully, so they ought to just let them be.  “They’re lives are in chaos.  We begin by giving them structure and balance.  At first, they see it as a consequence, but when they get comfortable they realize that they are much happier with the consistency,” she said.  Structure allows people to feel safe.  It allows them to make choices and mistakes and realize it’s ok.  However, they have to know what it is they are failing at in order to fail.  They have to see the expectations.  “You can’t set the expectation too high, but there HAS to be progression,” Janique said. 

I found it very interesting that the common link in these struggling children was the instability of their mothers.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe that every child who has a handicap or problem is a result of poor mothering. That would be ludacris. However, a mother’s role cannot be downplayed in the nurture and rearing of healthy, stable children. “What I am providing for Amiah is greater than ANYTHING else I could be doing,” Janique told me.  “It has also made me ask the question, ‘Am I mentally there with my child’?  Some of these mothers are there physically, but they are not mentally present,” she said.  We talked about how hard that is sometimes, and how sometimes you just zone out, but again it’s all in moderation. Quality verses Quantity.   We talked about how there are two types of moms: those that feel like they have to be around every second, or the type that is always checked out.  There has to be a balance; our children have to have the freedom to make choices too. 

I next asked Janique about her darling daughter, Amiah, and how she sees that being a mother is LIMITLESS.  She said, “It is exciting to be in a role where you are the most influential person in your child’s life.  I love to try and base my days around what experiences I can give to her and what bonds we form, or strengthen, today.  It doesn’t always work, but it is worth trying for.”  Boy THAT IS true.  Our efforts as wives and mothers, as women really, don’t always work, but who we become by focusing our time and attention on others is well worth the try.  “Just to feel a fraction of what God feels for me as I look at my child makes it all worth it,”  Janique said.

When I asked Janique about how principles of moderation would help her in the future,  she told me about the performing arts school her family is starting, and how keeping moderation in their work would be key.  “I have to tell myself to only work on it an hour here or an hour there while Amiah is asleep,” she said, “I have also had to learn to say, ‘no’.”  Then she said something that I will never forget. “You can’t have it all, but you can.  You CHOOSE what having IT ALL means.”  I asked her what she meant and she told me about how her mom is back in school getting a degree in Travel and Tourism because that is what she loves.  “Times and Seasons,” she said, “we can’t have it all right NOW but that does not have to be a sad thing.”   Moderation.  Moderation. Moderation. 

Janique is a wonderful mother making a HUGE contribution, helping her family live in moderation one simple way at a time.

Yours truly,